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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Dec 7, 2022

How is your week going, you beautiful one. I hope everyone is feeling prepared for the holidays. If you've been on one of my recent calls on feeling festive, I hope that you've been able to implement some of the gold that we have uncovered on those calls, and if you haven't had a chance to get on a call yet, don't you worry.


I actually have two more Facebook Lives planned. One is for the 18th and the other one is for the 30th of December, and I will make sure that I alert you right before those calls go, I'm sure that I will have the replays available on Instagram, so don't you worry if you are still looking for a community to join, where you can feel like you're understood and that you are validated for the feelings that you are feeling, I hope that you're able to join us. imagine having the tools to respond to all the chatter in your brain when you wake up in the morning and you still have your head on the pillow and your mind starts racing of all the things. You haven't accomplished yet, or all the things you have to do, or the emptiness that you feel, or the anxiousness that's going on, what if you had tools to respond to that chatter in your mind, what would that open up for you to have some space in your day to do the things that you really want to do to stop dealing with these unanswered questions and stop having this sense nagging that there's just never enough time in the day or you just don't have enough resources to do all the things that you want to do, or the fact that you don't have children is preventing you from feeling complete and feeling like you have abundance and meaning and purpose, and that you have to go outside of you to seek.


Maybe you find yourself doing for others and being the point person for others, but what would it be like to coordinate your own schedule and to be respondent to yourself when you find yourself yearning for help or when you find yourself in a bind and you need a listening ear. Could you imagine what it would feel like if you had resources all the time that you could tap into, if this sounds of interest to you? This is just the episode you want to listen to, and I want to tell you a little bit of the backstory about how I came to know this.


I have found so many amazing resources that I did not even know existed. I just thought that I was going to live this childless life and that my life would be at 80%. Maybe have some good days, but most days would be average and sort of just there, and that my best days were behind me. The glorious future that I thought I would have would just never feel full because my goal of motherhood was never achieved.  Through the work that I've done with coaches and on myself and the focus and the determination and drive that I have put forth to show up for.


Has made such an impact. and That is why I show up here every week with ways that you can start to implement these things in your life. 


But this week's episode is so important because I was working with one of my students who was really feeling like her sense of purpose was wrapped up in what she did for others. Hear me when I say that I am not somebody who tells people that they should only do for themselves and not for others.


I too get a lot of joy showing up for others and being helpful and thoughtful and helping others accomplish things that they need to do.


I also found myself after my fertility journey ended feeling as though I would never have any sort of understanding of who would take care of me. I was great at taking care of others. I was shitty at taking care of me, and I would wake up and already have this laundry list of things that were against me and things that just weren't going to work out for me, and things that I would allow to circle in my brain, but I never really addressed how I could accomplish that goal or work myself out of this puzzle that I had created in my mind. Yet when somebody else called on me to do it, I was Johnny on the spot. 


 I could figure out great stuff for other people. I could figure out logistics for how to get someone from A to B and help them accomplish this problem, but I just couldn't seem to show up and do it for myself.


 I'm going to share with you some tools that I recently used with one of my students because she was feeling as though her worth. Her association as a good member of her family was tied to what she was doing for others. A lot of students come to me seeking  who is going to care for us in our future and when we figure out how to care for us, we have less of a fear or an association with somebody else needing to do it for us. When we understand that we have the ability to do for ourselves first. We as women have somehow conditioned ourselves to believe that doing for others allows us to earn a gold badge, yet doing for ourselves, there's some selfishness or conceit.  One of my coaches, Juliana Garcia, has taught me these two questions that I take in every single morning, and I'm going to share them with you.  Let's just establish now that for the rest of this week, Whatever day you're listening to this podcast, just commit to yourself for the next seven days that you are going to wake up and ask yourself these two questions. Practicing these two questions daily will absolutely transform your life. 


So the first one is "What do you need?"  And Listen, what comes up for you? What do you need right now? What are you searching for? What are you feeling?  Maybe you're just a little bit frazzled and there's all this chatter going on in your mind and establish what it is that you're needing from you. When I tell you this, embrace what is it that you need when your mind is swirling and your head's on the pillow and you've got that laundry list of things that have gone wrong or you didn't finish, or you're not good enough. All these thoughts that our mind likes to present to ourselves, because right, we all know those thoughts are optional. Those thoughts are up for reconsideration, but when we don't listen to them, we don't know what to do with them, and then they start to create feelings of anxiousness for us, or incompleteness, or maybe some lack. 


 But when we start to ask ourselves, what do you need? And we listen, honestly, I sit there, I put my hand on my chest and I act like I'm almost outside of myself and I have a friend who's come to me and says, I really need to talk to you. I've got something going on and I listen that intently.  I hear what my brain tells me, what thoughts are coming up for me. And I put my hand on my chest and let them sit there for a little bit and I calm them down and okay, what do you.


And now, once you've established that, ask yourself, "How can I help you?" and answer?  Listen to yourself, close your eyes, put a hand on your heart and just ask, what do you need? What can you do for you to acknowledge what you need?  Imagine you are helping you. How would you put that plan together for you? How would you establish all the things that need to be done for you? And just listen to yourself, answer those questions and free up some of the space in your mind so that you can get really good at filling your cup.  It's so common that we are constantly wanting to nurture and be on the run and do for others.


And we haven't mastered the ability to nurture ourselves because we somehow just think that we aren't worthy of and so we're showing up half-assed in our lives because we haven't taken care of ourselves.  If you are able to listen to what you need and how you can deliver on that need for yourself, things all of a sudden start to feel lighter.


You can do this by standing in front of the mirror. Maybe you want to journal about this when you wake up in the morning. those questions have really made such an impact in my life and have allowed me to free up so much energy within me and so much mental space so I can truly show up and understand exactly what it is I'm looking for and what it is I need for me.


What if I had all the answers that I needed to help me? What if I knew that I had the resources and I had the ability to help me, and I sat there and listened to myself, come up with all the options. I then allow myself all of this extra space in my day and all this extra time on my hands to really get to know what things I can accomplish on my own and not have to go outside of me to look for the answer.


You can talk yourself out of these morning flues of anxiousness that await you while your head is still on the pillow.  When you have that conversation with yourself, you're able to take care of you. When we are expectant somebody else to take care of things for us or that we're not important enough to take care of things for us, then we are always on the sidelines. This is something that will truly allow you to put yourself at the forefront and really understand what is the chatter going on in your mind? How can you address it and how can you solve for it?


So I hope that helps you this week.  If you want to learn more ways you can truly figure out how to show up for you, then you will not want to miss my next round of Thrive after infertility. It is a small group of women that comes together once a week and really talks about the things that have us feeling like we are not fulfilled or meaningful or purposeful because we haven't had children. I would love for you to join us. The next round is starting in February and the application process will be opening up soon.   On the podcast there's no way I could possibly go as deep as I do when you are one of my students, or you are part of one of my masterminds or one on one, however it is that we'd work together. It's very impactful and I want you to be part of it. 


So let me know. Send me a message and let it set up some time to talk. I'll talk to you next week.