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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Jan 4, 2022

I am so exceptionally grateful for the community that has followed me on this journey that's encouraged me on this journey and has watched me grow in 2021. For many I know it was such an exceptionally challenging year. And for me, it was as well. But I chose at the end of this year to go through and list. Everything that I tried, accomplished, thought about, took a stab at - literally everything that I did in 2021. 

If you haven't done it yet, it's not too late to do it. But seriously, take an opportunity to look at everything that you did in 2021. Do not let that go without acknowledgement. Don't allow yourself to flip a new page on a calendar, add a new number at the end of your year, without going back and recognizing all of the amazingness that you accomplished this year. No matter where you are right now, I know that you took some brave steps. I know you made some tough decisions. And you ended up in the spot where you're supposed to be here in 2022. 

Let's start thinking about what you want your word to be for 2022. This is an exercise I took my clients through these last couple of weeks, I'd love the opportunity to share with you some of the amazing words that were chosen by the beautiful and amazing and strong women I'm so fortunate to work with in my coaching practice.


I want to have richer experiences, deeper relationships, enrich myself, have rich evenings and weekends by myself, with my husband, with our family. 


Breathe when I'm being tested. Breathe. When I feel overwhelmed with duties align. I want to take one step at a time reorganizing my home to find peace and feel realigned an understanding and guarding my mind. 


I'll strive to be intentional with my family relationships, work actions, fitness. If I do all things with intention, sincerity will be expressed and will ultimately have an impact. Just don't go through the motions in life be intentional. 


I want to make changes in my life. No more working 15-hour days, change my life so I can travel. 


I'm working on upgrading my life, improving my environment, and the contents of my wardrobe. I'm going to upgrade and choose quality over quantity to give myself an upgrade. I want to read good books and listen to good music and upgrade over just reading websites and not having a soundtrack. 


I want to have and feel confidence for the decisions I made and for the future that I have living as a woman without children. 


So those are just some ideas of words and descriptors of why those words were chosen by these amazing clients I work with. I wanted to share mine with you because mine is really going to shape where I take the future of and 2022; I chose the word 


Love is such an interesting word because it can be interpreted in so many ways. There are so many instances in my life that it's easy to feel love. But the ones that I really want to work on are the circumstances in my life that I find it challenging to Love, and 2022 I am going to be working a lot with my clients about love and how to love your life again, when I think about the things that I want to work on when it comes to love is having love for me, love for my past, love for my challengers love for my thoughts, love for my future. Love is one of those things that we a lot of times have conditions on. We love somebody if they're acting a certain way towards us. We love ourselves, if we're achieving the things that we expect, we should. We love our past, if we look back on it and feel proud, love can be such a challenging word in the fact that we put so many conditions on love, love for ourselves, love for our partners, love for our family, love for our jobs. There's so many things that we decide whether they're worthy of our love or not. And what I want to work on and where I see the future of The So Now What? Podcast and my clients in Stitch Coaching is learning to love what you want to believe about yourself and what you're capable of in this life. Love for yourself when it's tough to love yourself, and when things aren't going as easy as you thought they would. But most importantly love for yourself when you don't believe that you deserve love from yourself. And I think as humans, it is so common for us to speak of ourselves poorly when things aren't going well to think of ourselves poorly when we're not achieving as quickly or as high level as we believe we should in this life. 

What I really want to work on is the challenge of loving yourself regardless. And I know the term "self-love" is used so frequently. And I think it really took me becoming more aware of my thinking and becoming certified in my coaching practice, to really understand what it's like to love yourself. When it's not easy to do when you fail and you faceplant or you have a goal that you thought you would achieve. And you haven't we talked about that in last week's episode and having expectations versus goals of becoming moms. When you don't achieve your goal of motherhood, can you still love yourself? When you don't have something that you think should complete you? Can you learn to love the life that is ahead of you? And the answer is YES. It's not easy. But if you take the time to really recognize what it is that is bothering you or telling yourself to not allow the love in your life. That is where the gold comes in. That is where you'll be able to actually navigate loving yourself when you feel you don't deserve it. Why do you feel you don't deserve it? When should you never feel love? When somebody says something to you? That's hurtful. For example, when are you going to have kids? Simple words that come out. 

Why do those words make you look poorly at somebody else? See them as somebody who is not a nice person or not a considerate person, you can still have love for that person. They just asked you a question. So, it's those sticking points in our life where we feel that love is conditional. And we're only able to give it when we feel warmth within ourselves and butterflies and happiness. But the true challenge that's going to allow you to live a fuller and more pronounced and more deliberate life is learning how to love yourself on the other side of things.


Join me as we continue this journey going into 2022 and using the word love to ground the future of ourselves and our pathways. There is just so much magic that can happen when we choose to look at life from the vantage point of love. Thank you so much and please be on the lookout. I'm going to have another awesome free download available to you and It will be available on the bio of my Instagram page at stitch coaching.

I'm going to offer you an amazing resource that's going to help you to start loving your life again. So be on the lookout for that I'm making my final touches to that, and it will be available super soon. 

Thank you for listening. And remember, it's never too late to discover your meaning. 

Have a great week.