Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode

The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Jul 26, 2022

We fight for thoughts that don't feel good to us.

Many of us have a past that did not go as we had planned, dreamed and hoped for. We commonly feel defeated or like we were helpless in a circumstance of going through IVF, and doing all the things that our protocols asked of us, our doctors asked us and we couldn't become moms. But that is in your past.

If you are attracted to what I teach every week on the podcast, you are probably like I was - somebody who thought:

  • I was never lucky. 
  • I had bad luck.
  • Things don't work out for me.
  • Everyone else "has it" but I don't.

These were beliefs I accumulated probably even way before my IVF treatments and my diagnosis of infertility, but when things go wrong, and things don't go as they planned, they're so easy to reach out and grab.

 It's so easy to walk around like the walking wounded saying things like "I am so not lucky. This is the worst day of my life. I have terrible luck", and that is just because we're used to it. Our brain has over 60,000 thoughts a day and when you've been conditioned to tell yourself those types of things, it's pretty common to not want to think great things about your life when things don't go as you planned. 

Last week I had a super crazy day with so much going on.  I went into my parking garage, got in my car, pushed the button, but this time my car did not start. 

 It was like bone dead and I was not going anywhere until I got it towed somewhere or got jumper cables, but we got it all figured out. My husband works the late shift on Thursdays, so he helped troubleshoot and I was back in my car within a couple hours. If you're gonna have your car not start, it couldn't have been a better outcome. Things just worked in sequence and worked in flow. But as the day went on and I was talking to a couple of friends and telling them I had the worst day; my car wouldn't start and I had so much going on and all I kept thinking was I'm gonna have to put all this money into my old car right before I get rid of it. 

All these crazy mismanaged thoughts were going through my mind. I finally stopped and I noticed what was coming out of my mouth and I said, Why am I fighting for these shitty thoughts

I was so committed to making it be such a greater deal than what it was. You would have thought that my car blew up on the side of the expressway, and I was stranded there for eight hours by the way I was talking about it. 

It made me realize how often our minds like to lead us in a place that seems dramatic and a place that seems like we have the worst luck. 

 I literally stopped myself. And I said out loud, why am I fighting for these thoughts? Why am I fighting to feel stressed out about something that worked out just fine.

My brain was so fighting for me to believe that my day was awful, and that I had the worst luck and that nothing works out right for me. But that simply was not true. Think about what you are fighting for to believe about yourself. Do things go okay, and pretty well in your life, but you get focused on this thing, or this mishap or this hiccup in your day and you are allowing that to define your whole life, and to classify yourself as someone who's not lucky, or somebody who does not have good things happen to them? 

Start thinking about what thoughts you want to fight for in your life. Yes, certain things don't go as I planned, but to say that I had the worst day of my life or that I have the worst luck are not thoughts or beliefs that are worth fighting for in my life and noticing them and recognizing that I had them was all I needed to do. 

Next time things don't go as you've planned, or when one small hiccup happens in your life, are you creating a belief that your life just never works out right? And that the worst things always happen to you? If you just notice them and stop and ask yourself one simple question. 

Is that really true? 

Sit with yourself and the answer and listen to yourself. Maybe it's not always true that I have bad luck. And maybe it's not always true, that things never go right for me. 

As long as we're letting our minds just roam free, and we're fighting for thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and our luck, and we're fighting for ones that make us feel defeated and less than, we're never going to know what it's like to feel like we can conquer things. 

I could believe that I'm somebody who's resourceful.

I can believe that I'm somebody who figures things out. That feels so much better than telling myself that I'm somebody that just always has bad luck. We don't always have bad luck. You're just a human, living a human life and doing the best you can. 

If we don't ever tell ourselves that we are doing the best that we can and we're fighting to believe things about our lives that don't feel good. We'll never feel like we can figure it out. We have a primal brain that goes on its natural way of thinking things that are repetitive. Your brain just learns a pattern, and it continues to do things over and over. And it's no different with our thoughts. If we've been accustomed to believing certain things about ourselves or our outcomes and we don't manage our brain and steer it in a different direction, it doesn't know how to do it on its own. 

You can decide that you want to fight for the thoughts and the beliefs about you that make you feel like you are a freaking rock star, and that no matter what you can figure things out, you will feel so much better. You will be able to accomplish so many more things in your life that may offer you hurdles, because you can just believe you are somebody who figures it out and you can fight for that thought every single day. You’ll learn that the more you think about it and the more it becomes prominent to you, the easier it is to grab that thought, than believing that you're somebody who always has bad luck. If you're working on doing some paper thinking this week, check out The Guide to Loving Your Life Again - it is a free resource to you. and download it, you can go to Instagram, and download it there. It offers questions you can ask of yourself, daily affirmations, new thoughts to think , so if you're interested in downloading the guide, it is free to you.