Jun 15, 2023
We moved last week and still getting settled in, but the change has been good. We've gotten busy hanging pictures, trying not to have to have everything perfect in the perfect location before putting something on a wall, getting Coco used to new surroundings and new dwellings.
She is doing awesome. So really can't complain, and I wanted to really talk this week about Father's Day and thinking about I. The men in our lives or the partners that we have that we wanna support and we might not know how. And this is something near and dear to my heart because I think of it a lot as what we need as women without children around Mother's Day.
Sometimes I find myself, or in years past, seeing Father's Day come up on the calendar and I've never really stopped to consider. How my husband is feeling around Father's Day. We both have our dads around. Our dads are close by and in our lives, and we're active in their lives. And it seems for me like such a time of celebration for Father's Day because I'm not as associated with Father's Day as I am Mother's Day.
Hence the fact that I created the Mother's Day and the Mother's Day brunch and became the founder of that celebration and. This week, I really want to offer you some ideas of ways that you can consider helping to support your partner or maybe helping to support someone in your life. Doesn't have to be your partner per se, but maybe if there's someone in your life who is not a dad and someone in your life who maybe played a father figure in someone's life, but was never biologically a dad.
To somebody and let's think about that because I think, and again this is a generalization, I'm just talking about my experience with my husband, he oftentimes does not talk about how he feels a, around not being a dad. There's very few times that he opens up or shows a lot of emotion or sadness around his inability to become a dad.
I don't wanna generalize and say like it's a guy thing. I don't want to assume that guys are less in touch with their emotions I can just talk from like my experience. So in, insert yourself and your relationship and your partner or the person in your life that you're maybe hoping to support this Father's Day.
And take from this what you will, but I'm just gonna speak from my personal experience. So my husband would probably not come to me and say that he's feeling sad. He might internalize it. And at the same breath, I think that if I came to him and said, Hey, I wanna talk to you about some things. I want to know how you're feeling, how do you wanna spend your day?
What's coming up for you? All these things. That are so easy for me to do with my students and do with you. Like, I'm gonna try that this week and this weekend. And so that's what I would really love for you to consider if that's something that sounds of interest to you and maybe a little bit of help that your partner needs, like join me in trying some of these things.
What I decided I'm gonna do is I'm gonna ask my husband, how do you wanna spend the weekend? Is there anything special you wanna do? Is there anything that comes to mind for you that would help me to support you and the conversation might sound something like this. Hey honey, I know that Father's Day is coming up and I know I'm gonna just speak from my experience to you, but you know how difficult Mother's Day has been for me in the past, and I just wanna ask, How are you going into this weekend?
How do you feel? You know, do you wanna talk about anything? Is there anything that's like coming up for you that you might wanna share with me that maybe I haven't asked lately? How you're doing or how you're feeling? Uh, and then just pause and listen. Maybe they'll say something. Maybe they'll say, oh no, I'm good.
Maybe they'll start to open up and say, you know, I've, I've been thinking a lot about Father's Day and people that I work with are talking about this, plan that they've got going on with their kids and their family. And it's kind of sad for me a little bit. Like who knows what they're gonna open up saying, but I think if we open up the conversation and just let them know that we're supporting them and here to listen to them, that might just.
Be good and be enough for some people. Maybe some people wanna talk about it more. So say your partner or somebody that you're looking to support around Father's Day says, you know, it's like a really sad time for me. I've been trying not to think about it, but I'm really sad. Maybe you can say tell me more about it.
Is there anything you wanna share? I'm here to listen. Not insert our feelings about Mother's Day, cuz I think a lot of us, we want to relate to people, but from like a coaching standpoint or from a a listener standpoint, maybe just let them tell you how they're feeling and you don't necessarily have to validate what they're feeling by what you have felt.
And I know that's something that many of us like to do and be like, oh yeah, I know. I totally get it. I've been there before or I totally felt that way. Just give them their time to share and just say, okay, thank you so much for sharing. Like I love you. I'm here for you this weekend. What can I do for you to make you feel more supported and just listen?
I think I love you and I'm here for you. Are so powerful and really, allow us to support people in whatever way that they're looking to be supported. Think about. If your partner just doesn't wanna do anything and doesn't wanna say anything, okay, that's cool.
I get it, like, let's not assume that they want to do something, but they're not telling us. And force them into something. You know your partner better than I do and what they may or may not wanna open up with. But here's a couple things that I'm planning on doing.
I'm gonna get my husband a card from Coco from the dog
maybe I'll get a Father's Day card for my husband, just telling him I love him and all the things , and qualities that he has that I know would have been fabulous attributes that he would offer if we had a kid, and maybe he'll even have like something special that he wants to do. Maybe he'll want a special meal, or maybe I'll surprise him and make him like a super fun breakfast of something that he loves.
Or maybe we'll go on a walk together and get some exercise together. The morning of Father's Day, I mean, there's endless things that I think we can do or offer to do with our partner, but just like allowing them to. Receive in the way that they want to receive it. If I think back to Mother's Day and seeing the banners and going to the grocery store and going to Target and seeing all the things that were triggering for me about Mother's Day, maybe our partners are seeing that and not.
Feeling validated to talk about it and maybe they'll wanna talk about it, maybe they won't. But in any instance in which they want to communicate, being supportive and just letting 'em know that you're thinking about them I think would be so awesome. Cuz when I think back to my fertility journey and I think about how I really Didn't check in much with my husband.
I felt like because I was the one who was diagnosed with unexplained infertility, that I was the one going through the medications. I was the one going through the phone calls and all the emotional things. I oftentimes didn't ask him how he was doing. I didn't take time to see how he was processing things or how he was coping. So as we come upon Father's Day, let us be supportive to our partners. Let us ask 'em what they need. Let us let them know that they're special, whether they have a human child or not, that they're meaningful in our lives and that the qualities that they have, like we see those qualities and we know that.
Even though they don't have a child to share these talents and these beautiful attributes that they have, I'm like getting teary just thinking about how awesome I know of the father my husband would've been, and to let him know this Father's Day that doesn't go unnoticed and that I really believe that even though he isn't a biological father to somebody, he really brings so much into this world by being him every day. And I want him to know that this Father's Day, and I want him to feel loved, and I want him to feel celebrated and supported in whatever way he's willing to receive it.
I'll leave you with that and Leave you just with telling you that you are a fabulous partner. I know that sometimes we may judge ourselves and feel like we've made our fertility journey all about us, let that be behind you and let this maybe be the, the first start. If it's your first time celebrating a father's day, knowing that you're gonna live your future childless, let this be a new start for you. Maybe this could be a time when you plan a getaway or plan a vacation or start to do something fun and exciting every father's day. And even though your husband or partner is not a father, letting him know that this can be their weekend and whatever.
They wanna do your game for it and you're up for it. So have a beautiful weekend, whether you're celebrating with your father or your husband or your partner. Know that you're loved. Know that your influence and your impact in this world, and in the world of the fathers around you or the father figures around you is so important and have a beautiful week.
I love you. And remember, it is never too late to discover your meaning. I'll talk to you next week.