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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Apr 20, 2022

Hello, my beautiful people. How is everyone this beautiful spring day? Hope everyone had a lovely Easter and Passover, whatever it is, you're celebrating this time of year, we had a beautiful celebration for what I call Easter 1.0. I have the good benefit of celebrating 2 Easters this year. One that we did this past Sunday with my husband's family, we had our first celebration and our new place. And it was so wonderful to host here. And I looked around me and I just felt so grateful for this opportunity for new beginnings. And I thought about what a beautiful time of year it is, at least for those of us in the Midwest, who have spent many months in darkness have spent many months looking at barren trees and looking at browned out grass and to take walks and look out the window and have this new birth and this new beginning that is going on around us. And I think it's such a wonderful time for those of us that are wanting to start to recreate and reinvent ourselves as women without children. What a beautiful time to have spring be a reminder that there is opportunity for growth after darkness for budding after being barren, all these trees, all these flowers that somehow miraculously create the energy to rebloom again. So I want to talk about that this week with you. 


I want to know are you ready to rebloom? 

Are you ready to create new life in your life? 


It's easy for us to say yes. And I want to share with you some topics that I've been working on with my clients. As we're talking about reinvention. As you know, reinvention is one of my very favorite things to talk about. For me, I believe it is one of the most transformative things that we can do as women that are creating the future that we will hold for ourselves and create for ourselves as women without children. And when I think about reinvention, it sounds like this real fancy word. It sounds like this thing that maybe to some sounds unattainable and to others, sounds exciting. To me it sounded exciting. I hope that you will find some excitement and the opportunity to reinvent yourself this spring. So the thing that I would like to talk a little bit about this week, is how to get you there, understanding who you are now, because in order to reinvent yourself, you have to know where you're starting from and we need to take some time to go deeper into the person that we've been created to be. I don't necessarily mean the person that you believe your experiences have created you to be or that the person that you just are or your like your mother or your like your father and you've inherited these traits that you've just assumed to be part of your personality and part of the results that you're seeing in your life. But what I really want to talk about is how we can ask ourselves some questions that will allow you to create a deeper knowing of who you are, as if you were choosing to be that person. So as the spring is coming, what is that blossom going to look like when it opens up? 

You don't know what tree you are. 

You don't know what varietally You are a flower. 

Now is your time to decide what do you want that flower that's budding right now to open up and look like in your future.

So I want to first ask, 

Do you believe that you're somebody that could reinvent yourself, reinventing ourselves does not mean that we are broken individuals, it does not mean that we have this past that we're ashamed of, or that we're trying to cover something up by becoming someone different than we who believe we are today. But what a gift that we are humans with human brains that have the ability to really start to create a life that we want. A life that is going to give us the true meaning of who we want to be every day when we look in the mirror, and who we want to be in our future. 


So as we're getting started, I want to ask you some very specific prompts. And I want you to do your paper thinking on this this week. And don't just give your first coined answer to these questions, but I'm going to start asking you from a deeper knowing of who you are. 

Tell me, are you a person who only does things that you know you're good at?

 Are you a person who shies away from confrontation?

 Are you a person who gets offended by things that people say to you or ask of you? 


Next one, what have you always been good at? 

What do you feel most alive doing? 

What do you think that other people when they perceive you? 

What would you say you believe your good at? 

What have you struggled with? 

What's something that no matter how many times you've tried it or different ways you've tried doing it, what do you struggle with? 

Do you struggle with connecting with women that have kids? 

Do you struggle with following through with things you promise yourself you'll do? 

Do you struggle with having routines or creating a schedule for yourself? 


If you were to say I am? 

Are you somebody who's infertile? 

Are you a wife? Are you a good worker? 

Are you confused? 


If I were to ask you what you're not? 

Do you know what you're not? 

Do you know that you are not somebody who likes to stand up in front of a crowd and address them? 

Are you somebody who is not good at keeping commitments?

 Are you somebody who is not comfortable around people that you don't know? 

So let's get really granular about those first couple questions here. And really get to know who are you now, you know, I'm going to tell you this, though, I'm gonna say it anyway. Do not judge your answers, in order to reinvent ourselves and get to know ourselves and create this life that we truly are going to love. We just have to get really comfortable with where we are with our baseline. Because if we're not comfortable with our baseline and understanding who we are without judging what we've done, what we've been through what we think what we believe, who we love, what we love, what interests us have, we're not comfortable with just addressing it in a very boring vanilla, mediocre way, then we'll never be able to get to a point where we can actually look at ourselves in the mirror and create this life that we truly love. So imagine you have this opportunity this spring to be any flower, any leaf, any tree, any growing thing you possibly can be.

 But before you do that, you're going to have to get very clear on who you are now and who you want to blossom into being. 

So this week's exercise, I really hope that you take some time to sit with these questions, and really think them through and then we're going to talk about the decision that you've made up until today. So what are the decisions that are the five most defining decisions that you've made that have impacted your life most? Think about some of those decisions, was it possibly to seek treatment for your infertility? Was it to interview for a job

to get married? To form a friendship with someone to go for a promotion? What are some of the decisions that you have found to be most monumental in your life? So this is just the beginning of a big new pilot that I'm putting together where we are going to be digging deep and what it is like to have a belief reinvention and this experience is going to be monumental. I hope that you will join me on this experience. I've mentioned this before, there's going to be an application process to join the belief reinvention experience. And it is truly going to be some of the greatest work that I am putting together. If you have been sitting there wondering what your next step is going to be, if it's not going to be motherhood, you will not want to miss being part of this pilot, because it is truly going to be some fundamental and foundational work that is going to get you to creating a life that you love, even if you're not a mom. 

So have a beautiful week. I can't wait to hear all that you worked on this week. You have some awesome tools in front of you to explore exactly who you are, what decisions you've made. And then we're going to decide how we want to take those decisions and those definitions of us on our next step into the reinvention of our beliefs. So don't forget to decide what flower and what bloom you truly are. Have a beautiful week and remember it is never too late to discover your meaning.