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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Oct 4, 2021

We have done so much meaningful work, starting with Episode 2- you became more aware of the beliefs you have accumulated about yourself. You now know that you have the ability to notice them and not judge yourself for having them.  When you did the work in Episode 3 to question the validity of those beliefs and how they are serving you in your life today, you began to tap into the skills we have as humans and the opportunity to believe on purpose, which is the foundation to creating  a life of your chosen meaning. What you deliberately choose to believe about yourself now, will lead you to your future.  When I decided that I no longer wanted to believe my life had no purpose or meaning because I wasn't a mother, there was no sage- burning ritual on Kumbaya with a room full of people, I just simply became aware that my shitty thoughts were, well.... shitty. And once. I decided I was done Inviting them in on my journey of life, things began to change. The flood gates opened to a revived feeling of hope and excitement for what is possible for me even if I am not a mom.

The growth I see in myself is simply from deciding I don't like a belief I have. I don't replace them with beautiful beliefs that have birds chirping and waves crashing and angels singing; that's not realistic. But when I do the work of noticing when an uncomfortable belief is not worth keeping or why it is outdated, that is where my work lies. There's a lot of junk in your mind and not prioritizing the questioning of the uncomfortable beliefs in your life, the change will be temporary. We are always looking for the quick fix" just like in diets. 30 day plan, Whole 30, eliminate this, sub that, when it's a quick fix and not a lifestyle change, the weight always comes back. But when you create practices for yourself, be it paper thinking daily awareness, you will see that noticing becomes part of the fabric of who you are. You will notice things don't sit right with you and you start asking yourself why. If you are following along with this podcast and doing the work along with us, I bring this to your attention because it is necessary to give yourself some time to fully embrace the ' 'why" behind the beliefs you want to change in your life. It may take a few days, weeks or even months to be ready to fully embrace a new belief, but if you are aware and deliberate I promise new beliefs will come to you. You will start to see how your thoughts about you start to shift. I went from hating my body , for not doing what it was "supposed to" (getting pregnant) to loving it for taking me through another day. I believe it now, with every ounce of me.

I've stopped leading with the belief that I was broken because I didn't have a baby or I didn't respond to fertility medications, even though I was receiving care at a Fertility clinic that has live birth rates in the 62% range (according to the START data I was able to find) Now I believe that I was such a strong and resilient woman to have shown up to a medicated fertility cycle committed to trying another cycle even though the cycle prior wasn't a success. . You will get to a point when you are tapped into the beliefs about yourself, your life, your story.

Now is your time to daydream and imagine if you could choose to do or be anything in your life, what would it be?

What would you most want your self concept, self story and identity to be? There is nothing too much for you to believe. The beliefs you have are yours. You decide who you can be.

I chose a title for my new story! I created new chapters. I went from a past story hat was titled "Hopeless and Broken" to my new story that is titled:

An Example of what's possible- Life After Infertility.

I went through the impossibilities in my life and decided that I would find a way to create a life with abundance and meaning even if I am not a mother. I would teach my students how they can do it too. I would be the one to do the work first and become the example to others by living a life of chosen beliefs, chosen feelings and taking actions that will propel me toward the results 'I want to create. in my life and the mark I want to make in this world.

I couldn't do it, though, if I didn't take the time to question my beliefs and rewrite my past. I refused to think unkind and mean things about myself, and if I do, I made a promise that I would ask myself → why are you choosing to believe that? Why am I thinking that? How is that serving you?

The transition just starts to happen, you weed the shitties out.  These new beliefs start to create your chosen results.

I was telling my husband over dinner last night that I have a hard time believing how easy it is to change the result you get by simply choosing new thoughts to think, and new beliefs about yourself. You will become astonished that you have the power to believe on purpose. Our mind is truly the most powerful tool we have. Decide now that you will use it to your advantage. Use your mind to believe your way forward. You can't change the past or the fact that you aren't a mom. Those are circumstances beyond your control. Decide today that your past doesn't have to use the author of your future

So we are getting to the fun part! Over the next week, write the story you want to write about you. Choose your new title. Write of a new journey of being a hero who overcame life after fertility treatments. This is about the you, you want to be. There are absolutely no limits to who you want to be. The opinions of others or what they think of you don't have to be considered in this story. You don't even have to consider your past or your abilities now this new story is solely based on desired true possibility. Take your time with this and include as Many details as you can. The process is going to be so much fun; enjoy it! If you write your story all at once, revisit it every day-read it and keep adding more details and desires for yourself. What you write down is no ones business but your own. This is your opportunity to dream bigger than you ever thought possible. If you catch yourself saying-

that's stupid, I could never... write that stuff down for sure. That's the gold! No second guesses on something that seems too far out of reach.

Here are a few questions to consider to get you started:What do you want to achieve? Who do you want to be? How do you want to define yourself? What do you want to create? What do you want your story to be?

I can't wait to hear what you come up with!