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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Mar 1, 2022

I feel so fabulous to be back here for Episode 26 with all of you because that marks exactly six months of me doing weekly podcasts, these last 26 weeks I have showed up for myself, for you. And for the community that is just really looking to learn how to deal differently and feel differently about an inability to have children. I want to thank you whether this is your first episode or your 26th episode. I just feel so grateful for the fact that I created a goal for myself to create a podcast that helps women that are feeling alone and feeling isolated and feeling like they don't have anyone to speak to about their infertility journey, especially when you go through years of fertility treatments, and you don't end up as a mother. I've never really taken the time to explain how The “So Now What?” Podcast even started.  If you listened to Episode One you heard me talk about it was something that I wanted to do for a long time. Part of why I want to focus on the topic of goals for episode 26. Not only is it a monumental marker of six months of being on the podcast, but it speaks to what it's like to make a goal.  Many of us have this thought that having a goal has to be something that you have thought about for a long time, something that you've planned for something that you really clawed your way to getting to. And The “So Now What?” Podcast actually started, it was Labor Day weekend of 2021. I was nearing the culmination of my coach training and part of the training that I went through, there was a huge emphasis on getting hours in of actual coach training because they want you to just be the best coach that you can be and understand the methodologies and how to offer clients the best time spent because you have the best training possible. So there was a woman that was in my cohort, she has a very successful podcast. She's actually a real estate agent. So her podcast is called Confessions of a Top Producing Real Estate Agent. She was coaching me on some issues I was having around sadness of infertility (shocking). And when we got done, she encouraged me to start a podcast. And I thought my goodness, that is just going to be so out of my comfort zone. I have no clue how to even record a podcast, let alone upload one. But I created a goal for myself that Labor Day weekend, it was the Friday of Labor Day. I told myself that by Monday, I would have figured out and recorded and uploaded my first podcast. So that was episode one. I took that goal; I didn't think about it for a long time. I guess maybe in hindsight, it was something that I wanted to do, but goals are easy enough to just say you're going to do something and commit to them because we have so much power in our minds. It's very exciting and it's very terrifying at the same thing. But you can absolutely create the life you want without changing anything but your thoughts. So instead of going from a belief or a thought that I had that,” there's absolutely no way I could figure this out.” I just created the belief for myself on that Friday, six months ago and said, “I'm going to figure it out” by changing the belief. If you've been following along with the Believe, Feel, Act cycle;  I believed that I was just going to try something out. It made me feel curious. And when I was feeling curious, I started researching online, asking questions, doing some follow up and just decided that I was going to create that goal for myself and it did not have to be something that was long and drown out for months. So when you take full responsibility for your life and the things that you will accomplish, you are just going to be so amazed. So here I am six months later with all of you listening and nearing 2500 unique downloads of this podcast which I just am so grateful for but also so encouraged by the fact that there are 2500 of us that are looking to live a better life without being moms, I want to talk to you a little bit about how to create outcomes and goals in your life. So many of us just want to know how to do it, give me the one through 10, how to create a podcast, and then I'll figure it out. But life just is not like that. But if you manage your mind, and tune into your brain and your beliefs, your brain is going to continue deciding whether you're able to manage it or if it's going to manage itself. When we take responsibility and actually create the thoughts and the beliefs that we want to have about our goals, or the things that we are wanting to accomplish, that is going to create the feelings that are going to motivate you to take the action at work at home, in your relationships, because it's really hard to argue against the idea that you can do so much based on your mind, because there's so much evidence that supports it. People who you talk to that are goal driven people are no more lucky, or talented or brilliant than you. The difference is people that have goals and are focused on outcomes and creating goals for themselves. We are just willing to figure things out willing to be uncomfortable willing to take a stab in the dark and create a podcast, my first podcast, I was in my closet, you guys with - a pair of air Pods in my ears - and I recorded it on my laptop, it was something that I want to do. If I put too much emphasis on it sounding perfect, and the quality of it being like somebody who's done a podcast for three years that has a million listeners, I probably never would have done it. But if you just allow yourself to change your beliefs or how you're programmed and what your mind is seeking evidence for on a daily basis, your mind will find ways to prove your beliefs true. 

Choose the beliefs that you want to have that are going to drive you to the goal you're wishing you could achieve or that you see other people doing things and you say, gosh, I just wish I could do it. So many of us sit there wishing that we could do something, but feel scared to take the action because we just don't believe we're going to be good at it. And I believe that having goals is not to necessarily be happier than we are today. But I believe setting goals is because our purpose on this planet is to evolve into the next best version of ourselves. So we should just constantly be asking ourselves to bloom in a bigger way. And goals are the best way that you can do that. So when you think about a goal or a dream or something that you want to achieve, it may seem way beyond your current abilities, the process of dreaming and thinking about your goals in this present moment is what brings to light all the things that have been preventing you from believing in a deeper way. And I'm certainly not trying to say that you need to arrive there to become a better person. But what I'm saying is that setting goals and believing in them enough to achieve them will bring up obstacles and roadblocks on your path to seeking your deeper greatness.

So me, for example, starting a podcast; me creating that podcast doesn't make me any better or any greater. But what I've done is removed any obstacles that were blocking me from knowing how much I can achieve if I just set a goal for myself. And I put myself out there and know that my first 10 episodes, maybe shaky and sound a little novice. But if I had a goal of creating a podcast, and I waited until I was perfect to do it, I would probably still be waiting here today to achieve it. And have never connected with so many of you great people that have been listening. So when I work with my clients on goals, I teach a specific process for setting goals. Here's the process in the reason we use it first, it helps a goal setter remove any blockages and believing they can achieve something and the second is that goals really give us direction and they create a deliberate focus for our brain. As we've talked about in earlier episodes, our brain is just used to being in protection mode and being unsupervised. Almost like a child like brain. It will go on thinking these thoughts that will prevent us or be detrimental to us and possibly hurting us and cause us to go into a direction that we don't want to go. But if we're focused on a goal or something that we are looking to achieve in our life and deliberately concentrating on that goal tells our brain that hey, what I want to do is focus on this I want to have structure in supervision and what I'm thinking about In order to achieve that goal, so one of the main reasons we want to have goals is because it will allow us to predict where we're going to be in our life by what we're telling our brain to think. So remember your beliefs, create your feelings, which drive your actions. And then those actions, ultimately produce the results you see in your life. And this happens no matter what, because you're always going to be creating results. Results don't just happen to you. So whether they're good or bad, results happen. And goals are a way of deciding what it is you want the results to be just instead of moving along haphazardly, and letting your brain decide without having any sort of intention.

Okay, so I want to ask:

Do You Dream? 

Many of us who've been through fertility treatments, we have trouble dreaming, because we feel like not having a child and going through all those years trying that our dreams just no longer are available to us. 

Is it possible to allow yourself to dream about what you want? 

Do you ever think about the future? 

Do you plan what you want to create with your life? 

Many of the women that I work with who are trying to figure out what life's gonna be like, after infertility, and not having a child come to me with beliefs that have gotten old and gotten stale. They feel like they're busy putting out fires in their lives and reacting to everything that's going on, and they just don't have a plan because they don't know that they have an opportunity to dream. 

Most of us have only allowed ourselves to want from a place of scarcity. So every time we've wanted something or dreamed about something, it's because we're feeling a lack of it. And when we start dreaming about it, it actually causes us pain. People stop dreaming, because they don't want that contrast. They don't want to think about what they want, versus what it is that they really have in their life. 

So my exercise for you this week is to list 25 things that you want. It can be anything from objects, to feelings, just brainstorm what comes to mind. I want you to list them down and start to understand that you can dream again. You can think of these things and it doesn't mean that you've got to go out and accomplish them. Many times, we get so scared about saying what we're dreaming about or letting our minds wander in dream again after infertility because we're so used to telling ourselves that we can't achieve what we want. This week I want you to list 25 things that you want, it can be anything. And once you have those 25 things identified, I want you to pick your top 5 priorities and put them into order from 1 - 5


All right, so are we going to sit here and agree that we can dream again, we can create goals again, even if we're not mothers? These are some good exercises and some good questions that I've offered you here that can just help your mind start to flow again. Thank you for listening to Episode 26 - a milestone! I can't wait till we're at episode 52 and that will mark one year of us together. 

As always, please continue to DM me with anything you want to hear about. And give me a rating and any type of review of my podcast I would so appreciate it because as you know, the more interaction I have from all of you, the more this podcast will show up in people's feed when they're searching for relief or help dealing with infertility. So have an awesome week and remember it is never too late to discover your meeting. Talk to you next week.