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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Dec 7, 2021

What are you waiting for? just got back from Mexico - my first trip from Cov id. I was anxious about travel and risks associated with it. But, it was a milestone .. birthday for any very only sister and sibling. It was fantastic.

Not only did this celebration involve my sister, it also included friends that have cbeen part of her life oven the last decade on so, but many have been part of our lives since my day one. Bonds that formed through our moms who went to high school together. Some

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who we' ol know since our families came to the United States and we've been active in eahothers lives through our church community and friendships there that present like family today. All this to say the group assembled for any sisters Bday celebration was diverse but we all shared so much love and union celebrating such a fabulous human, who clappers to be my sister.

Wee into the hours one of the nights, I got to talking to one of the people there. What got us to this point in the conversation is irrelevant. But it was such an eye opening conversation we had, which let me to a question:

what would you do differently if you knew your end was near? It may seem like such a morbid question, but it has relevance regardless of what stage in your life you are in. We' all have reasons for doing on not doing things. I'm not implying I - we should wake up each day and skydive or sell all of our belonging and drive cross-country in a VW van, but when is the last time you took an inventory of your desires, goals. If you are like many, we don't even take ourselves there because it sets as up to feel a whole bunch of feels we don't like having: complacent, lazy, unmotivated, scared on thoughts that my spark these feelings like

  • Other people can do this, not me.
  • There's no way I'd have the guts to...
  • That would take so much effort.
  • I'd love to "Bad" but I have zero due how to
  • People would be disappointed in me if I did "BLANK".

So let me ask you, what are you waiting for? Why does life seem to a more manageable or comfortable with blinders on? We quiet our inner voices and ignore signs the universe brings us because

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we don't want to disappoint ourselves. But either way We, are denying ourselves!. How timely, as we are entering into the final month of this year. Would you

consider scheduling. some time to start a paper thinking practice. For some it my work to just list it all out. Sit down and let it nip. Even single thing that sticks with you. jot it down. Make

no judgements of yourself Worry not that someone would roll their eyes at you or snicker if they knew what you wrote done. This is not for them. This is for you. This is just a collection of thoughts on paper. A time to get curious and take an inventory.

Writing something down doesn't have to mean that you need to run out and accomplish it. It could just be a time