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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Sep 27, 2022

How are you? How is this life of yours? How are you feeling? How are you doing and what are you doing to make changes in your life and in your future? That is my big question to you because I think so many of us get caught in believing that life is just always going to feel this way.

If you hear me speak often, you might hear me give the equation of my life, at one time, I always believed would max out at 80%.  For somebody that was not an 80% type of gal,  that felt really deflating to me.  I decided that I did not want to live a life anymore that was always going to be B minus.

I wanted a life that felt vibrant and exciting and fulfilling again.  I just didn't know how to get there until I discovered life coaching and the ability that we have as humans to change the beliefs about ourselves and our stories and start to poke holes and what it is society has told us about living your future without children that we have then adapted into our belief system about ourselves and our future without children.

 If all of this seems exciting, but you are not sure how you could ever get there,  you are in the perfect place because this will be the last full week that you can apply for the thrive after infertility mastermind. If you haven't heard me talk about it, it is going to be the most transformative 12 weeks of your life.

There is a small group of women purposefully left it as a small group because I want us to feel comfortable amongst each other, sharing our stories, sharing our struggles and helping each other through 12 weeks of creating a roadmap to the future of your dreams. Now I've had a lot of interest, but a lot of people surprisingly shied away paying $999 for this 12 week intensive small group container.

And it baffles me a little bit. And certainly no judgment if money is tight and you don't have the money to do it, but I can tell you that most people I know currently in their hand have some sort of smartphone that has cost them more than a thousand dollars and to pay $999 to gain tools that will last you a lifetime and help to navigate the future that you never believed you could have because you were diagnosed with infertility and were never able to have the children

you always dreamed of to say no to that because you think it's too expensive. And that your phone is more valuable than your future. I will beg to differ.   I know this because the tools that I teach in thrive are the exact ones that got me to where I am today to be your teacher and to be your leader in this community would not have come without any sort of investment. I beg you to decide that you are worth $999 for tools that will last you a lifetime. Think about it, reconsider it. If you've said no to yourself before even listening to what I have to offer you put yourself first and ask yourself how much longer do you want to feel the way that you are feeling and what resources you are gonna provide yourself to help you get to the other side of where you are today

and to start to live a life that you can truly love and thrive. So all of this to bring you to how I have used these tools in my life and how I particularly used them this past week, when I returned for my annual visit with my OB GYN.  As many years as I've gone through this. I still have feelings of anxiousness and nervousness.

When I walk down that hallway and know that I am going to walk into a door that has a curtain with a few hooks and has a table with stir ups on it, and also miss Wanda in the corner, staring me in the eyes. I just have this feeling of anxiousness. And I wanna tell you about how my visit went this past.

so the OB GYN I go to is not the same one. I started my IVF journey with she has since moved on to another institution, but the woman I go to, I absolutely love.  She's wonderful and by no means, am I ragging on her or the institution I went to, but I wanna tell you how I advocated for my myself this week.

So I walk into that room, you know, the drill, have a seat. How much do you weigh? When was the date of your last period? Mine was 702 days ago. So more than two years ago. And here I am talking through my medical history, being asked all these questions about whether I'm still on birth control, whether I have any children, how many children, I have all these questions that I'm sitting here, scratching my head and asking.

Why do these people ask me these questions? So I point blank stopped myself from answering the questions and I asked the sweet medical assistant, why she was asking me this and why it wasn't in the computer. And she looked at me very perplexed and said, it's just not. And I explained to her that I had gone through seven years of infertility treatments

a few of those years were here at this very medical institution. And I was curious why my medical records were not showing up in her epic chart and she felt uncomfortable. I I know. And I told her, I said, listen, I am not aiming this at you. I know that you were just looking at a computer screen and clicking where you need to click, but people need to know

that we have a journey that we have been through and we need to raise awareness for them that things need to change. We need to find a way to maybe flag our charts or flag our profiles, or people need to do a little bit deeper digging to know the journey that we have been on. And I explained to her that I was not upset with her, but that I would like the doctor to know that I would like to discuss with her how we can build some more awareness.

 Basic questions that are in the computer, how we can move beyond having them be a routine set of questions for women who have been diagnosed and gone through infertility treatments. So my awesome OB came in was briefed on the fact that I brought this up with the ma and was so awesome ladies.

She was like, listen, I know that you we're feeling very uncomfortable by this. And I explained to her that I don't necessarily feel uncomfortable by these questions anymore, but there are a lot of women out there in our community that are searching for ways to come to a doctor and not feel triggered and not feel sadness and not be reliving the monitoring

appointments and the ultrasounds and all of the other hundreds of visits that we made. And so she said to me, point blank, she's like, I love what you're doing. She knows that I'm a certified life coach. And she knows that I lead a community of women within infertility. And she says, I agree with you. And this shouldn't be this way.

It's in my charts. But for some reason on the computer, when the medical assistant goes through your chart, it wasn't coming. And I want you to know that it matters to us. She said, she's gonna speak to her practice manager. And she asked me for any resources that I could offer to help them do a better job for women like us.

And I have to tell you, I felt so proud of myself for speaking up, because I could have gone through the questions. The work that I've done on myself, the questions, although they rattle me a little bit, it's more so, because I know you all are sitting there and wanting to not feel as rattled and violated as you do

when you get those questions presented with you. I was wanting to be an advocate for all of you. And I felt really proud of myself for saying something because it matters. And. I also talk to her about how there needs to be some awareness built for women to come in and have resources offered to them. So I talk to her about ways that we can provide more resources to her patients.

If there are patients that are coming in and you see that they have a history of infertility, not only are we. Asking them the questions about how many kids they have and what type of birth control that they're on. But we are asking them what resources they have in place. Have they been offered an opportunity to speak to somebody?

Are they aware of a podcast, for example, mine, that might be able to offer them the ability to know that they're not alone in this struggle and what resources have been made available to them or what resources they need that the doctors and the medical staff could then follow up with them to provide.

 I am very proud of myself for speaking on behalf of our community and. If you feel like you're in a similar situation and you go to an appointment and you find yourself in this same feeling of uncertainty, of why you're being asked these questions that you feel like people should know. I encourage you.

If you feel like you're at a point you can do so. Have the conversation that I had, you don't have to do it in a way that makes someone feel awful. That makes someone feel like they're not a good provider or a good practitioner, but just stop them and gently ask them if they are aware or if it's anywhere in your chart

that you have gone through IVF, or you have gone through infertility treatments or you are diagnosed with infertility, and you're wondering if there's a way to opt out of these type of questions or put some sort of flag on your chart, because I feel like it truly made a difference. I feel like me sharing my journey and sharing my story and sharing the ability that we.

Have to make change in our own lives, sharing that with my providers meant something to them. And they were so appreciative because I truly believe that they do want to be our place of compassion and they know that it could be rifling for us to go through another hallway and sit in another exam room and hear that curtain spin closed and being told you can take everything off and hanging your clothes on that rack or on that hook, it just brings back so many memories for us, no matter how far out we are from our journey. And if we can make the small amount of change by just letting people know what bothers us and what they can offer for our sisters in infertility. I just ask you to do that.  Thank you for listening this week.

Thank you for being a voice for yourself and a voice for those of us that might not have the courage to tell our story yet, or to stand up for ourselves yet. And if you're interested in joining the mastermind, think about. And understand that the price of your cell phone should not be more important than the price of your future and living a future and a life that you truly can love.

So I hope that you consider joining me. Have a beautiful week and remember it is never too late to discover your meaning. I can't wait to talk to you next week.