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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Oct 12, 2021

Episode 6




When was the last time you thought about relationships you have in your life?  Relationships with others can be active or just memories in our minds.  I recall the woman that comforted me when our Reproductive Endocrinologist called to say our embryo had trisomy 16, a chromosomal abnormality, after administering genetic testing.  We women without children worry we will grow alone because we don't have children to care for us, but we often forget to evaluate relationships, big or small, we have with others.



I had my photoshoot today for my Stitch Coaching Website. A big step toward creating

a community for we women with infertility, we women without children. I realized when putting this together how fortunate I have to already have the community around me that I do. The people that helped me with the photoshoot aren't people I see or talk to daily, but I have relationships with them in my mind and my heart.  We have so many relationships that we often don't take time to recognize.  These people showed up for me because I am a person worth loving. I add to the lives of others because I am meaningful to them. I spoke in Episode 2 about how we spend so much time feeling alienated and fear that we will grow old in a nursing home because we don’t have children to take care of us.  When we don’t recognize the opportunity to see the people we have in our tribes. The people that watched us fight from the sidelines.

What relationships do you have in your life? 

When's the last time you recognized who those people are? 

A meaningful relationship with someone doesn't always look like daily calls and texts. I have come to realize that my life is made more meaningful by including people that you may not see on talk to on the daily. Finding love in your heart for someone you have learned something from or shared an experience with.

The day I got the call from our Reproductive Endocrinologist in Colorado, I was in Minnetonka, Minnesota at a work event. The results were in from the genetic testing of my frozen embryo and they weren't in our favor. The embryo had Trisomy 16, a chromosomal abnormality and would never lead to a viable pregnancy.  I listened to the voicemail with the results and was heartbroken. I was alone and sobbing, sitting at a table in the most remote part of the building. The woman whose name I'll never know, touched my hand and said "HE will take care of you". That’s a relationship in my life I will cherish forever.

I have so many stories I could share of people that have touched my life so profoundly that my heart warms and eyes fill with tears with love for someone whose name I couldn't even tell you.

Those are the relationships in our lives that we have available to us and we don't r for. It's so easy to grow older and tell yourself you are alone, that you have no one to take care of you in your upcoming years.  That’s not what it's all about. YOU are part of someone's memory bank. Fill your heart with fullness every day by noticing the connections we can have big or small.

It doesn't have to be a feeling of isolation because you and one of your favorite college girlfriends don't share in motherhood. There's more to your friendship than motherhood

So my point is, decide that you can redefine what relationships look like to you. Your expectations can change. You can redefine how you want to think about the meaning these people have in your life.

What has this person come into your life to offer you?

When we get out of our own way and really see the thoughts we have about our relationships with others, you will offer yourself the opportunity to live so abundantly. Even with the people that you have felt wronged or hurt you in the past.

You have an opportunity to have them in your life and think differently about them. Maybe they are not a person you would never call or talk to again. But decide to ask why you are feeling wronged by them? Could you write it out on paper and notice what you are thinking of feeling about that person? Start to ask yourself why that is bothering you. What comes up for you? Is it possible to see that as an opportunity to gain something for yourself? What is it you could get more curious about?

Remember- Episode 3, when you identified the thoughts that come up for you? That's your work. It's that junky stuff you feel because of what people have or haven't done; or comments that have bothered you. So take the opportunity to revisit the relationships in your life. Learn that some are worth noting (all if you really want to get granular) but for now just decide that you have some amazing relationships with the awesome people. Believe you are worthy of being meaningful in someone else's life. You will see the shift in your thoughts. It is liberating to let go of harboring thoughts.