Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode

The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Aug 24, 2022

I am doing great. I am just very overjoyed. Lot of good stuff going on. I feel like between the. Upcoming thrive after infertility mastermind that I'm putting together.

And then some new clients I started working with in my private one-on-one coaching. I am just buzzing over here and it feels really good. So my week so far is off to a good start and I hope you are doing everything that you possibly plan to nourish yourself. And I love that you decided to tune into this podcast and.

It gives you some sort of nourishment that you need to know that you're not alone. So let's get started talking this week about what life feels like after you fail IVF. And the reason I bring this up is because we're about to go into a very triggering time of the year. There's so much ability and so much hope you can have.

You don't have to finish out the year feeling the way that you do right now. And for many of us, when we finish IVF treatments and find out that we can't become moms, we just sit idle and almost. Just become a numb version of ourselves because we just have never understood what life would be like or even comprehended that it would possibly happen to us.

And now we're in this situation. So that's why I wanna talk about how time passes for so many of us after failing infertility and why it is and what it is that you can do to maybe bring some new opportunity into life. For you after failing in fertility treatments. So think about how our bodies and how our lives have been accustomed to being for these last several years.

For many of us, we've lived our life in chunks of time. It maybe went for our initial workups, got our diagnoses back, navigated the decision to do IIS and then deciding from there, if you're even interested or capable or. A candidate for IVFs, and then let's not even get started on the cycles and the, you know, stemming and medicated and all that good stuff.

So we have been accustomed to living our life in chunks of time. And so when you finish. Your treatments and you are figuring out like what in the heck life could actually look like, because you never imagined you would even get here. Right? We were wouldn't even let our minds wander. To this point that we are now living in knowing that we're not gonna have children of our own or ever be moms it's normal, that you just sit in this chunk of your life.

And because you've been accustomed to there being a finish point or a protocol or someone telling you like, okay, this is the ending. Here's our next step. So we've just used to having a roadmap put out in front of us as we've navigated our fertility journeys. And then we're sitting here like, Where's the map.

Like, all I see in front of me is just air with nothing that I can even imagine I would fill my future with because I've never even imagined what my life would be like if I didn't have children to live my future with and live through their milestones and have them be my milestones. So. We all feel that way.

And I find that with time, we're just not used to having control of it. We are used to being on somebody else's clock, biological clock, whatever it was. So here we are this opportunity in our lives. And I want you to consider the opportunity that you could start to dream of a plan for your future. It does not have to be daunt.

It does not have to be what you totally can't believe, but think you should be dreaming of it. Could just be getting curious about what things interest you, what things would you like to spend your time doing? Where are you when you find yourself at peace? It doesn't always have to be on a beach in The Bahamas, although that would be very nice.

It could just be. Sitting on a patio chair and listening to the birds. It does not have to be major. It could just be noticing where you find yourself feeling the most at ease or free. When you find yourself being creative or maybe interested in something new, just start to pay attention to those moments.

Start to fill your time. with things that give you peace and calmness, that might be your baby steps. So there's after that maybe it's goals that you want to achieve. Maybe it's a financial goal. Maybe it's a career goal. Maybe it's a education goal. Maybe it's a relationship goal. Maybe it's a weight goal.

You know, for me, that was my story. I gained all the weight during my infertility treatments. And three years after I was done with my last IVF cycle, I still had this extra 25 pounds that whenever it would come up, I would tell people, oh yeah, well, I gained a lot of weight because of my fertility medication.

It was kind of like, at what point was I gonna stop giving. My weight, a way to that portion of my life that I wanted to close the chapter on. So for me, setting a, a weight goal for myself was something that was very useful to me and transformative for me, because that was how I became exposed to thought work.

So you heard me talk about that in episode? I believe it was 33 with Corrine Crabtree. Mentor. And the name of the episode is moments with my mentor because sh going there to find my path through losing weight, offered me this opportunity that I could actually create a life that I love, even though I wasn't gonna be a mom.

And so that is why I show up here offering you opportunities to think about things, because I just didn't know these. Ways of thinking were available. I just believed a story that women that didn't have children. Were pitied we're looked at as like the POS in the corner who people tiptoed around or worried about offending or people that thought I was weak and broken.

So I looked at myself as weak and broken. I mean, there are just so many ways that we believe we are perceived because there is no one out there showing what the real face of your future could look like. Even though you couldn't become a mom. And so that. Why it's so important for me to show up to you and why I know that this works is because I have done it for myself because I am no different than you.

I had a good life married to my husband. We had a nice family, did nice things, but it just, everything felt like I was maxing out at 80% in my life and I was sick and tired. Of my life just feeling at 80%, cuz that wasn't who I was. I was someone who had success in their career who had left to go away to school and then moved to Washington DC after that and took exciting jobs that were risky and fun and educational.

And I felt like I had given that all away. My curiosity and my interest and this thrive that I had for life, because I couldn't become a mom. That is exactly why I want you to know that this is available for you. And you've heard me talk about my mastermind that I'm doing. It's thrive after infertility.

It's gonna be such an amazing transformative three months during these upcoming triggering months where we are seeing everyone's kids. In their first day back to school pictures, college dorm drops, drop offs. It's just a very hard time this time of year. So I'm gonna be starting the mastermind. We will have our 10 folks selected.

I do wanna keep it small. So if there's no room laughter on the waiting list, know that it's. Not because you're not wanted, it's just that it's so important for me to create a small group that really has an opportunity to get to know each other. Cuz I think we so yearn for friendship after having this portion of our life end up in a way that we never dreamed it would.

And we see our friends that are having lives so different than ours because the. They have their kids. So for me, it's so important to keep the mastermind small at a, so know that if you don't make the list, I will put you on a wait list for my next class. So all that to say, if that sounds of interest to you, if you wanna start learning how to create a future that you love.

And not just let time pass as you're waiting for the next indication that something needs to change in your life for it to become better. If you're doing that, you're understood. And I have been there and you are doing what you need to do for yourself, but I just want you to know that when you're ready to feel like.

You wanna dream about your future again, and create a future that you love and are excited about. I can help you do that because I have done that in my life. And it's what I'm so passionate. It's a secret that I feel like I have that I just want the world to know about. I will leave you with that. If you're interested in joining the mastermind, send me a DM.

You can go on my website, and book a free discovery call. Also while you're on there, don't forget to download my guide to loving your life again. It's my free resource on stitch I would love to hear from you. Thank you so much. Have a good week. I love you. And remember it is never too late to discover your meaning.

I'll talk to you.