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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


May 31, 2022

What it means to notice our thoughts or notice our beliefs.

Those who are part of the Belief Reinvention Experience know what it's like to go through and challenge yourself in notice some of the beliefs that you're currently having about your life. 

You can believe differently about your life and future if you're not going to be a mom.

Why that is important? The beliefs you have about yourself are creating the feelings that you feel every day when you wake up. When you look in the mirror and you have feelings of disappointment, have feelings of loneliness, maybe have feelings of anxiousness or despair, those are commonly created because you are believing a certain way about your life believing a certain way about yourself, believing a certain way about what it's like to not have children. So when we believe a certain way, we feel certain feelings. Those feelings are going to be what propels us to take certain actions in our lives. And maybe sometimes it's inaction maybe we are preventing ourselves from taking action. Because we are feeling disappointment, or we're feeling loneliness or feeling regret. And then we are not achieving the results that we want to create in our lives. So when we start to notice the beliefs that we're having, that is going to be the first step in creating a life that we truly love, even if we're not moms. So I went through and wanted to share with you some of the common beliefs that women come to me when they're working on creating a life that they love in reinventing their beliefs. We start all off with noticing what are the things that we are telling ourselves about ourselves. So I'm going to share some of them with you today and let me know if you resonate with any of these.

I did something wrong.

I shouldn't have waited so long to try to have kids.

I disappointed my husband, my partner, my family,

I disappointed myself.

My body is a failure.

I'll always feel this emptiness because I'm not going to be a mom. My life is empty,

I'm going to die all alone in a nursing home,

I have nothing in common anymore with my friends that have children.

Okay, so those are some of the most common ones.  If you are  believing those things about your life, it  doesn't have to be a problem. If you're not unhappy with the way that you're waking up feeling every day, then stick with those beliefs that you're having about yourself.  You that you need to change something that isn't a problem in your life. But there's many of us that want to feel differently about our reality that we're not moms. And that is the community that I'm working with here in stitchcoaching. So if you're looking at yourself in the mirror, and wishing that your life was different, or you felt differently about your life, I can help you. This is just the process that you need to work through in order to learn how to love your life, even if you're not going to be a mom. 


If you're somebody who can resonate with wanting to create a life that feels differently for you, when you wake up every morning, you are in the right place, I am just the person that can help you do that.  I have helped so many of my students who've gone from this place of feeling loneliness, and believing that the only way they could ever have a life they love is if they were a mother. And as much as we wanted that it is no longer relevant and is no longer something that we can use as a gauge, for creating a life that we love. And for many, it's hard to let go of that desire that we always had to become moms. There's nothing wrong with letting go of it and deciding that you want to seek something else in your life. And if being a mom is something that you tried really hard for or wanted really badly, and it didn't come to you, you've done nothing wrong. And I am the first one to tell you that you can and you will create a life that you love, even if you're not a mom. So as we're working through noticing these beliefs that we have, we have the ability to judge ourselves and to think something's wrong with us tell ourselves that we're crazy people because we believe these awful things about ourselves, or we can have a lot of compassion for ourselves. And compassion is something that we often don't believe that we are deserving of. We believe that we deserve to offer compassion. into others. But when it comes to us, we would much rather judge ourselves and judge our thoughts and beliefs, then we would show love for ourselves and show gentleness and kindness for ourselves as we're navigating a new normal, and that new normal means that we are childless. And that takes me into the neutralization part of the four ends. So when you neutralize these emotions, you are just taking an inventory of what it is you've noticed, and neutralizing it by saying, of course, I
feel sadness. Of course, I feel disappointed, of course, I feel lost, because I went through seven rounds of IVF. And I couldn't become a mom. And it would be normal to be sad, because I tried so hard to achieve this goal of mine, which was motherhood and I couldn't do it. So when you normalize things, and quit judging yourself, for the way that you're thinking or the way that you're believing about yourself, you just allow yourself to have less restriction on what it is that you're noticing about yourself. Because it's just stuff that comes up, I would have a hard time believing that there's a lot of people out there that went through seven rounds of IVF that didn't have some sort of question about what their life would be like if they wouldn't be able to become a mom. I have a hard time believing that there's women out there that had multiple miscarriages that have a great excitement about their life after miscarrying a child. So there's all these things that are normal to feel. So when you normalize your thinking, you're just having compassion for yourself, and telling yourself of course, this feels like junk. Of course, this is confusing. And of course, this is scary. And the future does not seem excited, because I'm feeling and believing all of these things. It is normal. But that doesn't mean because it's normal right now that it has to be that way forever. When you're able to notice and normalize your beliefs, you'll be able to more freely identify them and recognize them because you won't be on a heightened alert, that there's something wrong with you for thinking and believing the way that you currently do about your life. You'll get to be at a point where it feels less scary to become curious with yourself and curious about your beliefs. Because you've trained yourself to just be a curious spectator in your life instead of a judgmental hawk that believes that everything that comes out of your mind or everything that you discover coming out of your beliefs, has to be scrutinized. So it's really some beautiful work that we can do. And it's really the foundation that you can create for yourself. As you're navigating this journey towards childlessness, I think I am the first one that can tell you that this stuff really works, the ability to notice your thoughts, and then normalize them, allows you to feel so much freer, I feel so much lighter in my life, I was telling Jack the other day that I just feel like I don't carry around this weight. Because for so long, I was judging myself and trying to be something for other people that I thought that they wanted me to be, which was, you know, strong, unaffected by my infertility, happy that I live this life without children. And yes, I'm happy. But I'm not necessarily happy that I couldn't have children. But I've realized that that is my new normal. I am a woman who does not have children. So I could either create a life that I love, or live past focused, believing that my life could only be great, or be abundant and be full if I was a mother. So when I got comfortable with noticing those feelings, and then telling myself that I was normal for having them, I allowed myself to really dig in a little bit deeper, because there wasn't this fear of self scrutiny that I was going to have. So get to work this week and deciding what it is that you believe about yourself and what it is that you believe about your life. 

I'm still taking applications for my pilot for the belief reinvention experience. If that is something you want to get in on now is your time.

This is the deal of the century to work with me one on one for $300 For four sessions. It's just that's transformative work. So decide now do you want to be somebody who wakes up every day feeling the way that you felt this morning or do you want to be someone who takes control of your future and learns to love a life that you're living even if you're not a mom, because remember it is never too late to discover your meaning.