Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode

The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Jun 30, 2022

I am back from an amazing weekend in Colorado. As you know, I have been doing a deep dive into reinvention. The belief reinvention experience has been so transformative, so many of you have reached out and really decided that you were ready to take control over what you're believing about yourself and believing about your body, believing about what you're capable of, because you couldn't have children. I love all the work that we're doing together.


And I love hearing how many of you that have gone  through the pilot program have already started to make such transformations in your life. That's really what it's all about. 


I would be remiss if I did not talk about the overturn of Roe v. Wade, this has been a very heavy topic for those of us that have gone through fertility treatments, have banked some embryos and are deciding what you want to do with those embryos, or maybe you're listening to this podcast and you have yet to even begin your infertility treatments and know that. I will do my best to be a voice. I talked about this a couple weeks ago on a live that I did on Instagram.


You matter, 

your story matters, and

your reproductive rights matter. 


Becoming a mom is really based on a lot of things related to science. And there's nothing wrong with you for needing that accommodation and that we need to have those rights available to us as women within infertility. 


As we get started on today's topic, I think you all know that I was in Colorado this past weekend and just had such a transformative quarter. This last quarter I've been working on a deep dive course chosen on purpose to be successful, chosen on purpose, to be a leader. Somebody who really has been transformative in the way that we can redefine ourselves and redefine our lives. At this meeting in Colorado, I had the ability to hone in on a belief that I've been carrying around for myself, and I actually got coached on it.


So yes, we coaches actually do get coached. I work with someone every week, but the ability to get coached in person with Brooke was. Super transformative. And I wanna share that with you today on the podcast. So we all have these thoughts. That sound really true to us. We know that when we say them, they might not trigger us.


Some do trigger us and if you've gotten good at noticing your thoughts, you may think that you have your thoughts and beliefs about yourself under control. And what I learned this weekend is that I was carrying around. A belief that really what had me feeling stuck. And I thought it was a very neutral belief.


I thought I was stating the facts when I would say that my body didn't do what it was designed to do. And when I got coached on it and started to think about those words and how to me, they sounded very neutral coming from somebody who once believed that my body failed me. When I once believed that my body was broken.


Telling myself that my body didn't do what it was supposed to do or what it was designed to do sounded very neutral. And it sounded like I had taken the temperature down on that thought. What I came to realize is that I was preventing myself from deciding what it is that my body was designed to do.


If it wasn't designed to become a mom, am I just gonna stop there and take that as the truth? 

So if my body isn't designed to be a mom, what is it actually designed to do? 


I decided that I am not willing to accept that belief about me anymore.  


I'm coming to you this week asking you, what do you currently believe about yourself, about your life or about your body?


Here's some of the common ones that I have acquired from my years of infertility and from some of my students that 

- my body is broken. 

- If I can't be a mom, I have no purpose. 

- I don't relate to friends with kids. 

- I'm the worst case scenario. 


So if you heard some of those and you're thinking that sounds right, I believe that you are not alone.


There's nothing wrong with you that you feel that way or believe that way. 

What are some of the other beliefs that you're caring about yourself and about you have you thought about them in a while? Have you decided that you want to put them on paper and start to gain some more emotional freedom in your life?


I'm gonna give you an exercise for this week. I want you to think about you not being able to have children and write down all of the thoughts and the beliefs that you have accumulated about yourself. This is an exercise that you're going to think you'll be done in two or three minutes, and you're going to sit there and it's going to really like beliefs are going to come out super quickly.  Even if you sit there quiet and in silence, add a timer to your phone for five more minutes and just sit there and really start to dig. What are some of the little gnawing things that come up when you question yourself or when you wanna try something different and you talk yourself out of it, what are the things that you are thinking or believing that are keeping you cocooned in these feelings about yourself and about your life. There's nothing wrong if you look at this list and think 

I should not do this”, 

I should be past this, or

I should know better than this.


There's nothing wrong with you, but as long as you sit there and judge yourself for the thoughts that you're having, it's gonna be really impossible for you to move past them.


That's exactly why I'm here to help you. Once you get your list done, start to take maybe one or two at a time, let's start with just one and start to punch holes in that sentence. Imagine that you were helping a friend and they came to you. And they said, I believe that my body did not do what it was designed to do and you were the only person in the whole world that could help them, tell me what you would help to point out to them about themself that would 

show them that that is not the only thing that they need to focus on in their life. 

That is not the only thing that defines their success.

That is not the only thing that makes them worthwhile in this world. 

And that it certainly is not the thing that is going to prevent them from being the best version that they can be. 


As long as we're believing this story has an end and has a period at the end of it, we are never going to go and search for what we were designed to do what we were created to do.


At this age, we have so many more years to live, and if we just give up here and shrug our shoulders and you just tell yourself, “well, I wanted to be a mom and I couldn't” and just shrug your shoulders and say, “oh, well, this is what the rest of my life is gonna be like”. As long as you tell yourself. It's okay to stop here, you are gonna stop there 

It may seem confusing and it may seem like you just really don't know what it is you're designed to do, but you have a purpose and you have a master plan that is waiting for you to discover it. And that is exactly why I'm here


 I want you to decide today that your body did exactly what it was designed to do.

Your body is just waiting for you to tell it what you want it to do so that it can show you what it is capable of. 

Your body includes your brain. As magnificent as our brain is, it is also so used to working in repetition. When it's been working for so long, believing the same thoughts over and over, and then you all of a sudden give it something to start thinking that is different and puts your brain outside of its repetitive way of acting and doing it might freak out for a while. 

After you continue to practice something, it will just become a pattern for your brain.


So just like it had a pattern of believing that your body didn't do what it was designed to do, it can start to learn a new way of thinking and believing about you and about your future. 


Some magnificent work came to me this past weekend, and I'm so glad to share it here with you. 

I want to encourage you that this work is open to you. If you're feeling like you're the person who just maybe doesn't have what it takes, or you're not one of these people that truly would ever see success or see change in your life because of thought work.


Hear me when I say you are. If it worked for me, it'll absolutely work for you. 

Please remember to rate and review the podcast. I am so appreciative of the fact that all of you are helping me reach my goal of 10,000 downloads by the early part of September. The more you rate and review, the more likely someone will come across this podcast and start to learn how to believe differently about their life and their future as a woman, without children.