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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Apr 12, 2022

Hey, beautiful people. How was everyone this week? You all know that I was at the Life Coach School mastermind meeting. I was in Austin, Texas. It was fabulous. And we'll get to a little bit about what the meeting was about a little bit later. But I wanted to talk about a follow up to last week's podcast. How did everyone do with the idea of sitting on a cloud? And feeling unconnected from the person below you and just observing their thoughts? Their feelings? What was going on for that person? What encounters were bringing up feelings of discomfort? Maybe feelings of joy, feelings of belonging? What were some of the thoughts that were coming up in that person's mind below? Were they thinking:

Great, Susan's pregnant, another one bites the dust? 

I wish I could feel better. 

Why does it have to be so hard for me? 


What was coming up? Because you know, it's interesting, I did some research. And I found that the mind thinks between 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day. That's basically, if my math is right, anywhere between 25 to 3300 thoughts per hour. Think about how many of those 1000s of thoughts you're having in an hour. And how many feelings are coming up for you based on those thoughts, and what those thoughts and feelings are creating, about the beliefs you're carrying around in your mind about yourself. So you know that the core of my practice is based on the BFA cycle. I hope I'm hearing all of my clients out there repeating what BFA means, believe, feel act. So what we're believing those thoughts that we're creating in our mind, are creating beliefs for us about ourselves that we're carrying around. And based on those beliefs, we're feeling a certain way. And when we feel a certain way we do or we don't take actions. What I want to talk to you this week about is taking action. In the mastermind meeting when I was just an Austin, I was surrounded by at least 1400 mostly women, which I love. The fact that there are so many female life coaches, because in my opinion, it shows how dedicated we are to seeking more with our lives and putting ourselves in a place of leadership for our communities. And as I looked around that room, I was so inspired by the amount of people that believe that they can make a difference in their own lives. They've proven it to themselves. And that's where we get the strength and the ability to go and teach it to others and show others that there is a way to live and believe and feel differently about yourself.

The topic of the meeting, and the main theme of the meeting, was talking about taking action. When we think about taking action. 

My first thought for many years was:

it's going to be a lot of work. 

I don't know that I want to take action. 

I might not be good at it.

 I might not know how to do it. 

I might not do it right. 


Not doing it right. I mean, who relates to that?!  It's safe to say most of us shy away from trying something because we're not sure we're going to do it right. Not doing it right and this seeking of perfection is something that I continuously work on when it comes to taking action. I've just allowed myself to be more curious and realize that that feeling of failure or the feeling of not doing it right or not knowing how to do it is just temporary. I won't get an answer until I allow myself to take action to try something. When I think about wanting to live my life differently, as a woman without children, and believe differently, as a woman who failed multiple cycles of infertility treatments, I decided that I didn't want to identify as somebody who was a failure, because of that action I took. And I knew that that was coming up for me, because I was not feeling vibrant about my life, I was not looking around me and seeing what I was accomplishing and feeling proud of what I was accomplishing. Because I was associating my inability to have a child with my success. In my current life, I was living very past focused. So if you've listened to episode 29 about living in the past, I was very much there.  I decided that I would take action and do things that would be in response to my thoughts and my feelings, and make a difference. That's really where my magic came in. If you're listening, and you can relate to being somebody who has a fear of not doing it, right, a fear of choosing the wrong thing. 


I want to show you that you are an action taker. You've already proven to yourself that you have taken action because you had a dream of being a mother, you had a goal of being pregnant, and you had a belief that IVF would work for you. There are very few people that I can say are bigger action takers than women within fertility. Not one of you listening that has been diagnosed with infertility has done nothing about it. If you have done nothing about it, I would love for you to DM me and tell me that you've done nothing about it. 


You are an action taker already, you know how to take action to go after a goal of your’s. Whether it worked for you or not, you can decide now, if you were willing to take action to be a mom, have you already decided that you are no longer going to take action for you and your future because you couldn't have a child? 


You know you have what it takes to put in effort. 

You woke up every morning at 6am to take your ass to a clinic for lab work. 

You traveled for business and carried your medications in a cooler through TSA security. 

You set an alarm at 3am to take a trigger shot the morning before a retrieval. 

You said yes to round 2 of an IUI when round 1 didn't work for you. 

And when you went through round 3 of IVF and your cycle was canceled, you were the one who said yes to round 4. 

So don't tell me that you are not somebody who takes action. Because lady you are!! 


As you have gone through and started to observe what thoughts and what beliefs and what feelings are coming up for you?

Do you know which are not ones that are going to serve you to move forward in creating the life that you love?


 Decide what action you are going to take if you don't know what action to take. Do some brainstorming on it. If you just had a guess what would be one thing that might just move your needle 2% in your thoughts and beliefs and feelings. What would it be? Write those down on a piece of paper. You don't have to commit to them. Just write them down. Something that might move you into the future that you want to have of loving your life of liking your life of getting through the next day feeling energized by your life. It doesn't have to be something that is monumental. Something that is going to be a Mic drop. How about this discovery call with me? I offer a free discovery call to just talk through things no obligation, not going to be hounding you. I just offer that as an option. For service to those of you that are listening go on stitch and book a free discovery call but do something that will help you to take action in your life, as if you know that the way you're believing about yourself, and how your story of motherhood ended up in, you're not liking the way that it feels, which most of us don't, there's very few women I know, that failed infertility treatments, and is happy about it. But there's the women like me, and so many of us in this fertility community that are showing you that you can make a difference. So all I'm asking you this week is to take some action, make a list of I'm going to tell you 25 things to start with 25 I want to hear what they are DM me, message me do something to show accountability of what those 25 things are, that you would like to take action on. Maybe it's taking a class. Maybe it's reading a book, doing more movement and more workout in your day. Maybe it's getting a dog. God knows. You know, I love my little @cocodoodledew. She's like, was a huge bit of action for me. That was part of my healing cycle. Just know that there's no right or wrong to action. Who cares if you suck at it? Who cares if it's the first time you try it? It feels really uncomfortable and you want to throw up. That means you're doing it right. 

Take some action this week. 

You have resources.

You know where to find me. 

I offer you so much opportunity to learn more about yourself and create a life you love. So remember, it is never too late to discover your meaning. Have an awesome week.