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The "So Now What?" Podcast


I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  

 

May 16, 2023

What a weekend it was - this weekend was The Other’s Day Brunch on Saturday. - the  Saturday before Mother's Day is our Other’s Day celebration every year. And I don’t have the words to describe how overjoyed I am by the people that came to Chicago to celebrate. so many people from out of town. 

 

So many people here in Chicago. People that I didn't ever know or meet, but heard about the event and decided to find connection and create connection on a weekend that can commonly be hard for many. So The Other’s Day Brunch was an absolute success. So much so that it got national media coverage on the NewsNation network. So if you haven't had a chance to watch it, Go to my Instagram page, you'll be able to watch it. Or you can go to my Facebook page. I'll probably link it into my YouTube page. But it was a beautiful story. And the reporter that covered it, ironically, her father was a reproductive or is a reproductive endocrinologist. And I was just so overjoyed by her interest in having our story be told about how disconnected some women can feel around Mother's Day weekend and Mother's Day when they are either not moms themselves. Or they don't have a bond or a mom in their life that they're able to celebrate. So. It was just wonderful. And our sister cities. I've been getting great feedback from them and I'm just, you know, just full of pride and also full of anticipation for what is to come because I know that the response that we've gotten about The Other’s Day Brunch I know it's not going to end. I know that there's so many women who are just going to continue to hear about it and realize that there is a place for them on mother's day weekend. 

 

Where they can go and fit in and feel loved and not feel so disconnected. So if you didn't get to join us this year in Chicago, Please plan on May 11th, 2024 for being here in Chicago for The Other’s Day Brunch. 

 

Another big thing this weekend, in addition to The Other’s Day Brunch and being interviewed live on a national news network. It was my birthday. So I had a birthday on Sunday. Yes. On mother's day. And I wanted to talk about birthdays this week because there's a lot of women. As they begin to age and become further and further away from their vsion of motherhood and their biological clock that takes them further away from naturally being able to conceive. There's a lot of women that feel a lot of disconnection around birthday time. And I know that that was something that I did for a long time. So I'd love to talk about that this week. 

 

And talk about what it is that you're feeling as another birthday is approaching for you and what you make it mean. When you grow another year older. And maybe what we can do to reframe the fear that we have about aging and the things that we make a birthday mean to us when we are childless, not by choice. 

 

So think about what getting older means to you? For some people, you may think that it's less time to do what you want to do. Things are becoming more and more apparent that they did not turn out like you thought that they would, and that might give you some anxiousness. And if you're feeling that and seeing that I get it. 

 

I spent a lot of time feeling very disconnected from this aging that I was experiencing and this life that I was living, because it looks so different than I thought it was going to be. So I'd like you to first think about what it is. You want to do. If you're thinking about all these things that you have yet to do, take some time to write them down. Actually give yourself an opportunity to pay attention to what is. What is that thing? Or two or three? That you are like feeling anxious that you haven't accomplished yet. In your life. And don't fear writing it down because it seems unattainable to you. Think about just writing it down without judgment and get curious about what are some of the things that you are wishing you would have done by now? Or wishing you had had the opportunity to pursue. And put it down on paper and just sit with it for a little bit. Think about what part, what part of the thing that you're wishing to accomplish. What part of it attracts you? Is it something that you always thought you wanted to do? Or is it something that you truly do want to do? Is it something that is. In alignment with who you are today and the life that you've experienced to date. And if it's something that you thought you always wanted to do, but it truly doesn't really have an interest to you, but you feel like because you committed to it so many years ago that it's something that you should still be accountable to achieve. 

 

Be okay with letting go of that and saying, you know where I'm at today? That is just not something that's of interest to me anymore. And let it take its weight off you. And let yourself just put it aside and say, you know what? I've changed my vision and changed. My interest level and that's just something that I don't have at a desire to achieve in my life anymore. 

 

I also think some of us. Become. Afraid of aging. And getting older. Because as women, without children or women who are childless, not by choice. For us, we have this fear about our end of life. So as we add another year onto our age, We are subconsciously. Becoming more fearful about how we will end up. 

 

Aging and what life will look like. As you get older, who will take care of you. Who will, who will pay attention to you? Who will come visit you, who will take you to doctor's appointments, all these things that yes. I understand Seem really scary and a lot of unknowns. But what if we allow ourselves to say, you know what, right now, 

 

I'm going to grow another year older and I'm not going to worry about that part of my life yet. I'm not going to fear. That part of my life yet, but I am going to take opportunity to see what it is. That I want to celebrate that's in my life right now, because I think it's so easy for our minds to take us to this place of the unknown and forget about where you are today. And you skip over this amazingness and this. Growth and this opportunity to really celebrate the woman that you are. In this age and in this life right now. Because. The fear. Overshadows the ability to focus on who you are. 

 

So maybe start to think about. What are some of the things that you accomplished? In this year, that's something that I did. Coming on the last couple of days of, you know, leading up to my birthday. I really. Gave myself an opportunity to recall all the things that I did this year. And this might help you. If you go through your camera roll. 

 

Go through, start with, you know, for me, my birthday's in may. So I started in may of 2020. Three, I'm sorry. 20, 22. And I look through every thing that I had a picture of in that month. And it helped to really like jog my memory of some things that I did. Some fun times that I had some people that I met interactions that I had with others successes in my workplace. 

 

Things that I did in my coaching community. So maybe go through your camera roll and go by month and create a list of the things that stood out for you. When you look through your camera roll, or when you think about some things that you've done. And build some opportunities for yourself to recall all the wonderful things. 

 

That you did accomplish in this year and allow that to outweigh the fear that you have about the things. That are unknown to you. And the things that you might be fearing that potentially might not ever happen. You might not. Grow old alone in a nursing home. Like. We just are very attached to believing that. 

 

As women who are childless, not by choice, but what if that's not even going to be something that happens to you and you've spent all this time fearing it and overlooking. The things that you've continuously shown up for yourself doing in your life. So when you think about. You know, listing out all those things really allow yourself to say, what are some of the things that I did in this year, in this past year? 

 

Leading up to my birthday. And what are some of the things that you want to continue on doing? In this next year. What are some of the things that made you feel really, really good that you want? To elaborate on or maybe. Be part of a regular routine for you or something that you commit to doing every year. And how can you bring more of that into this year ahead for you? 

 

So some ideas to think about. Because I understand how growing older can feel, feel very fearful for you, but it doesn't have to. It could just be part of life and. Imagine what it would feel like to be excited about celebrating a birthday and to be excited about celebrating all of the beautiful things. 

 

That you just innately. Accomplish and do every day in your life or the life that actually, when you look through that camera roll, you see it. Ain't half bad. But for some reason, There is this story that has just repeated in your mind telling you. That getting old is scary and getting old as a representation or an opportunity to point out things that maybe don't make you feel so good. And just allow that chatter. 

 

To maybe listen to it, allow it to show up and then just say, thank you. I listened to you and I've decided. But I don't want to believe that story, or maybe I don't want to believe that whole story. And decide what parts of your story you want to believe? So happy birthday to me. I'm very proud of the community that I have continued to build in this year of my life. 

 

And I couldn't have done it without each of you who have come and celebrated. The. The true and the real and the raw emotions of being childless, not by choice. Or childless after infertility. And I really am so appreciative. That you allow me to come here every week and. Create a connection. Not only for me, but with you in to you. 

 

Because you went here, a lot of your story through me telling mine. And that's what really motivates me is to continue to tell my story, because I know for so long how silent I kept about my story, because I had a lot of shame about my infertility and about my inability to become a mom. And to be on this side of things and to be able to share this every week publicly with you and the rest of my listeners and supporters. 

 

I really am just so excited about what is ahead for me and I no longer fear getting old, because I know that my life is just starting to bud and blossom because I am living this true version of me. And recognizing that the circumstances that I've had in my life don't have to hold me back. And I hope the same for you. 

 

In this year of your life. So before I let you go for this week. I just want to tell you that this next round of thrive after infertility. Is going to be starting in June. So if you've heard me talk about the mastermind and it's something that is of interest to you. I encourage you to apply. The application is available on my website or in my Instagram, in the link tree, in my Instagram. And if you've been thinking about creating a life that you can truly love where you want to thrive and feel fulfilled without the children, you always dreamed you would have. 

 

And meet some awesome women along the way. The thrive after an infertility mastermind is where you can do just that. So thrive is the 12 week small group, class of women, just like you, who are seeking growth beyond their infertility. And it is such a magical experience. And even seeing at the others day, I had. 

 

A group that went through thrive some months back. That only met over zoom every week and may all came in. And met in person for the first time at the other state brunch. And it was just so beautiful to see this connection that they had to each other because of their time in the thrive after infer infertility masterminds. So if you've been thinking about thrive, I encourage you to join. 

 

It is. Just so magical and such an opportunity to really grow and create this life that you are so deserving of, even though you didn't have the children, you always dreamed you. What. So have a beautiful week. Thank you to everyone for supporting me on the other's day. And for your beautiful birthday wishes. 

 

Have a beautiful week and remember it is never too late to discover your meaning. I'll talk to you next week.