May 2, 2023
So good to have you here again this week for another episode of the podcast. I feel so energized this week for so many reasons, and we're going to talk about all of that this week and all about what it's like to navigate Mother's Day when you are a woman without children,
I first want to think about why it is we think that not having children or not being a mom affects us.
What do we make it mean about us and our story? If you're up for listening to how you can navigate the aisles of Target or. Walgreens, CVS, Rite Aid or any place that has greeting cards, you understand what it feels like when you walk down an aisle and you see the Mother's Day banner.
So, we're going to talk about that this week. What brought this on for me this week was really some deep conversations we've been having about connection in the Mastermind. As you know, I have a mastermind, it's a 12-week mastermind, it's called Thrive After Infertility. We had a really amazing discussion this week about connection. Connection. I know it is something that I struggled a lot with during my journey. Feeling connected to people that historically I had a strong connection to. And I noticed that connection would start to wither away. Also wanting to feel connected to my partner, to my husband,my family, all these things that during my fertility journey, I found myself having such a lack of connection.
And then when my journey ended without children, I felt even more disconnected because my story turned out to be so different than I thought it would. If you are feeling that way, I first want to acknowledge you are not alone in that. And I'm going to talk to you a little bit this week about how to go about creating more connections, not from a place of desperation, but from a place that fills you up. I'm gonna share some ideas of things that have been coming up in the cohort and some things that might help you along the way. Before I get started on that, I wanted to talk about The Other's Day and the connection we created last year at our in-person event in Chicago, and the connection that's being created in some of our sister cities this year.
You might know that I have ambassadors who have raised their hand and said, yes, I want to create this connection in my community for women either that I know, or women that I have yet to meet. I connected one of my students was somebody who's our ambassador in Seattle and connected them through Instagram…turns out they know people in common and they live 3 hours away from each other. I was just thinking about how awesome it is that we women in this community stand up and create connection for others, and that there's women like us who, if you're not there yet, no big deal, take advantage of the women that are creating the connection.
But if you are somebody who's gotten to a point in your life where you want to be the connector, just know that this work is needed. The smallest lift, the smallest post outreach email raise your hand for help, all that stuff. It may seem very minuscule to you, and you might think, it's not worth my time to do that.
Or what are people gonna think if they know that I'm looking to connect with a total stranger? It feels very foreign for me. This could just be that one small thing that can propel you into this feeling of connectedness with others. The Other's Day, even last year at our in-person event, I have one of the most beautiful stories about two women who met. One had a very unique health issue, and the other woman who was at the brunch knew somebody that was able to help this woman create a whole liberating change in her life due to a change in medication and it's just like blows my mind about how we can help each other just by reaching out a hand and being accepting of opportunities. I really want to first tell you if you haven't signed up for The Other’s DayBbrunch, you need to. If you are interested in being an ambassador and inspired by the story to be an ambassador, reach out to me.
We're very close to the event, but we might be able to make something still work if you are able. But if you wanna travel to Chicago and be part of this, I mean, I have women coming in from Puerto Rico, Nebraska. Missouri, Kansas. I mean, it just blows my mind that women are getting on airplanes because they are desiring this sense of connection.
If you want that, I invite you to do that too. Okay. I'm gonna get back focused on what I was gonna talk about this week. I just get so excited about the other day. So what I really wanted to talk about is why we might shy from. Connection and creating connections. I think a lot of us have this belief that your core group of people or your core group of family members, coworkers, people that you've historically had a connection to, there's a problem if those relationships shift.
The relationships don't have to end. They don't have to have any drama in them. They could just have their own little portion of your heart or your energy, your friendship. But creating new friendships in seeking new friends is something as we become adults, we think something's weird about us wanting to.
Have a deeper connection or connect in other areas from where we've always been with our existing friends, family, relationships, whatever it is. When I think about who we are and as we're growing as women and as we're discovering this new life for us, that looks very different than we thought it would, we can be the ones that are in charge of who we let in.
Okay, so we may have some people that are left in our lives that don't make us feel good about our reality of not being moms, or maybe people that are constantly pushing us to try another round. Or maybe you should still think about adopting. I've had those people in my life too that don't seem to want to respect that.
I have decided that we are no longer pursuing parenthood and the act of having a child in our life and they can't seem to come to grips with it, which is fine. That is their story, but if I want to create a connection with people that get that and will accept me and my story without feeling the need to constantly give me advice about it.
I should be open to, and I want to have more people like that in my life because I feel like we have such an opportunity to grow and discover this future together and share ideas, and share best practices and all these things that each of us on our individual journey to being childless, not by choice.
Can bring something to the table and help one another. I was thinking about the fact that we actually have this ability as we continue into adulthood of bringing the people that we want in our lives. It may be hard to relinquish relationships with people that you feel need to be in your life, and that is not a problem.
I'm not here to tell you to clean slate with friends and family, but wouldn't it be wonderful if you could meet new people that are in alignment with this version of yourself that you are seeking to be more of. When you say yes to events like a meetup group and a childless event or something on social media or my mastermind for example, when you open yourself up to these connections, the people that are on the other side of this are people just like you who are looking to feel connected.
Although it may feel weird to raise your hand and. Say Yes to an event or a group or a Mastermind or a Zoom Call of complete strangers. Know that the people that are out there are wanting that same thing that you are. I also wanna think a little bit about what you think connection is for you and be able to define it.
I really challenge my students, and I think that's why they have seen such success in the Mastermind and success in their coaching time with me, is that I really give them the space and the questions that allow them to explore that within themselves. We don't often find ourselves in environments.
Especially in the life after infertility community where we are given resources that help us grow from this. So some of the things that came up when I was talking to my cohort about this was we defined, we went around and we talked about what connection means to us, and we came up with the decision That connection, feels belonging and a safe environment, a trusted environment, that it's reciprocal that the people that are in this environment have a sense of appreciation or respect for who you are in your story, in your journey. I also think it's important to understand that connection doesn't always have to be physical, like being in a huge environment of people. You can feel the most amazing sense of connection when you understand and feel connected to yourself. A lot of people don't talk about how to create that sense of connection with yourself.
I would arguably say, It is most important first to feel connected to yourself before you can go out and feel connected fully to others. So how can you do that? The most important part of feeling connected is understanding your story and when you feel connected to the story that you believe about yourself and your life after infertility and the journey that you went on and.
The result of your desire and your efforts to become a mom. If you understand what that story is that you tell, whether it's in your mind or whether you tell it verbally to someone that you meet, have you ever listened to that story? And when you hear that story, is that a story that you wanna feel connected to?
If you tell your story, I'd love for you to just even maybe after this podcast. Stop for a few minutes and out loud in front of a mirror. Tell your story, like imagine that you were meeting somebody that you haven't seen in a long time, and they knew that you went through fertility treatments or that you were going through them when you saw them last.
And imagine they asked you, did you ever become a mom? Or how did things end up with your fertility journey? Stop in front of a mirror and out loud to yourself. Tell yourself that story, how would you answer that and listen to that story, maybe even record it on your phone. I do a lot of this. I voice memo on my iPhone, and I record myself speaking when I have these moments that I wanna record and start to like, think about and analyze how they feel for me.
So when you tell your story out loud, do you like hearing that story? Does that story portray you in the version of you you aspire to be? And I think a lot of us think that we have to already be where we aspire to be in order to start telling a new story. And I want you to know that that is false. That the more you start telling the story from the sense of where you aspire to be, the more you will be that story. You'll no longer wanna cloud your mind with the feelings of defeat and the feelings of shame and the feelings of disappointment that you feel because you don't have the children you dreamed that you would. And when you start thinking about how you want to feel and who you wanna show up being in your future, and you start telling yourself that story and telling others.
That story about the version of you, and maybe it sounds something like, thanks for asking. We tried, but it didn't end up for us the way that we wanted. But, you know, I'm really proud of the commitment and the focus that I made to my dream of becoming a mom. And even though it didn't happen for us, I'm really committed.
To this future I have to create a life that I truly love and a life that I am actually thriving and feeling fulfilled even though I didn't have the children that I dreamed of. Okay, so that might sound too rosy for you right now, and that is okay. You're not delusional for thinking of this story or telling this story from a sense of being your future self.
I want you to know that this ability to connect with yourself may feel foreign in the beginning because of the way that we have just been conditioned to believe that you already have to have done or be someone before you can actually believe it's possible for you. So let me be the first person to tell you that connection and feeling connected to yourself and your story.
Even though the outcome has not changed, even though you still aren't a mom and won't be a mom, your outcome does not have to change for you to have a story that you love who you are, you love the role that you have played in your story, that you are proud of the woman you were through that journey.
I wanna offer you this opportunity to dream and dream about this connection that you have and these thousands of women that are waiting to meet someone just like you, and they're waiting to learn from someone just like you. So I love you. Have a beautiful week, and remember, it is never too late to discover your meaning.
I'll talk to you next week.