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The "So Now What?" Podcast


I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  

 

Mar 21, 2023

 I'm so glad that you chose to come back again and listen to another episode of the podcast. It goes without saying that. The more opportunity I have to reach other women who might be struggling or might be feeling alone or feeling like they don't have a place in the world or not welcomed in their workplace, in their church, in their families because they don't have children.

 

That's what drives me every week to come back here and share another episode of the podcast with. So thank you for listening. If you have an opportunity to review the podcast wherever you're listening to this. Maybe if you've joined my new YouTube channel, maybe it's on YouTube, and I'm asking if you would write a review.

 

Share your thoughts about how this podcast has maybe offered you a different perspective about what your life can be, even though you didn't have the children you always dreamed of.  My mission in my life, is to help women know that they can thrive and feel fulfilled even if we didn't have the children that we always dreamed of. So let's just get into the nitty gritty of this week's topic. This is something that has come up quite a bit with my students and something that I too have worked on, and it's learning how to love people around you and people that are in your life, whether they show or distribute, or provide you the support and the love and the encouragement.

 

That you think that they should and maybe it stems back another example could.  if you're arguing with someone and somebody acts in a certain way, and of course with parameters, like not being accepting of someone's abuse or physical violence or anything like that. But if somebody says something to you that you are not in alignment with or. Believing is true or correct or the right thing to say to you.

 

You might find yourself saying, well, of course I have to be pissed at them or not speaking to them, or cut them out of my life.  That's just what you're supposed to do.  So on this week's episode of the podcast, I wanna talk about how to love somebody.   and them not having any relevance into whether you love them or not.

 

 This is something  I heard this concept of, I'm gonna love you and there's nothing that you can do about it. So if my students are listening, they have heard me talk about this and how much this has even impacted my life in so many levels. So let's just think. How we automatically go to a reaction as something that we are supposed to do.

 

 There is a choice every day that we have as to whether we want to be. Loving and, acknowledging that somebody might have a view that differs from ours and we can love them.

 

And loving them doesn't mean that we have to like want to hug them and put our arms around them and tell 'em that they are the best person. But loving someone could just be acknowledging that they are entitled to have an opinion that might differ from yours. There is  this level of freedom I have found and the students that I've been working with.

 

I mean, it's just like this mind blowing moment where you're like, wow, I could actually not have to be mad at someone. I could actually not have to argue with someone if their opinion differs from mine. I can actually let someone.  do something that I don't think is the best decision for them to do in their life and sleep at night.

 

 Knowing that I love them and there's nothing that they can do about it. There's such emotional freedom in this life that we have felt so burdened by emotions to be able to make a conscious decision in your. And to cognitively allow yourself to not be angry at someone or not have to prove someone wrong or tell the whole world how awful someone is.

 

There is such this liberation of your energy. If you can allow people to be who they are and treat themselves and their time and their energy, and. Their preservation of their being and let them go on doing those things and still love them. There is so much to be said about the freedom that this allows you to love yourself and have more moments in the day that you are focusing on the things that bring you.

 

and the things that are nourishing you instead of constantly being worried and upset by the things that others are not taking advantage of in their life.  I know you might be listening to this and saying, but I'm not a good person if I don't care about what they're doing or I don't try to change their mind.

 

And certainly I'm not telling you not to show up for people and not to be a support to somebody who is seeking it, but there are so many. Opportunities that we give away in our life to live in harmony with ourselves because we're so upset by how someone isn't caring for themselves or how someone isn't living up to their best ability, or that somebody is mad at us and we just can't sleep at night knowing that somebody doesn't think we are the best person in the world.

 

 Maybe sometimes we have to allow people to be wrong about us, or maybe we have to allow them to make decisions in their life that we might not see as the right decisions for them, but in every opportunity that we allow them to live their life and we continue to love them, whether it's the thing that we agree with or we don't.

 

We can allow them to go on their path and maybe there's a major life lesson that has been chosen for them that they would never have discovered if they did not make this decision or if they didn't have the opportunity to realize something on their own and maybe we aren't the one that is always going to be their beacon of clarity.

 

So as we think about how we're approaching our relationships, our friendships, even in your marriage, I mean, there's times when Jack and I will get in a in a qual and we'll, I'll get so mad at him, and I look at him and I just am thinking in my head, I love you.  and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

 I am gonna look at my partner who, we're human. Of course. We get in annoying bickering matches with our partners and of course there's times when I look at him and I'm like, uh, I  would love to just like poke you as hard as I can. . And instead I'm like, you know what?

 

I'm gonna preserve myself and I am just gonna love you. Cuz you might have had the worst day today. You might have had someone come in complaining in the office and you didn't feel like talking about it when you came home and you just wanted to internalize it. And you might have taken it out on me, but I'm gonna love you anyway and even if you're short with me and.

 

 Let the person just be who they are and let them sometimes get something off of their chest. And not always have to be reactionary back to them.

 

And of course, again, I'm just gonna reinforce that doesn't mean letting someone abuse you. Of course, I want you to stand up for yourself, but think about how many times in your day there are things that go on.  that you are just so upset about and you can't believe this person would say that, or you can't believe this person would ask you why you didn't adopt, or you can't believe that somebody would ask you how many kids that you have.

 

People do these things and you can love them even if you don't agree with them.  I'll leave you with that. This. And I also wanted to tell you that if you are getting anxious, like so many women I know are about Mother's Day coming upon us here in just under two months, the tickets are now available for the other's day.

 

And if you hadn't heard me talk about the other's day, it is an event that I created. For women like us who are feeling loss or sadness around Mother's Day, maybe it's because you never had kids. Maybe it's because you lost a child. Maybe it's because you don't have a relationship with a mom in your life.

 

And for that reason, I am hosting. An event that is gonna be absolutely the most beautiful three hours that you have spent on a May afternoon right before Mother's Day. It's gonna be on May 13th. I'm hosting here in Chicago. I have a professional caterer. The space that we're gonna be in is gonna be absolutely magical and beautiful, and you can come up showing up just as you are.

 

You don't have to tell people why you're feeling  lost or sadness around Mother's Day. You can just show up and know that you'll be loved and supported and amongst other women who want to be supported on this same day. ,  if you're not able to travel to Chicago, and this sounds like something you want to be part of.

 

We do have an ambassador program. I have a whole booklet for you of how you can plan your own event, the tools  I have used to plan my events in the past, I love planning events. I love hosting, so this is just like so my jam. So if you live somewhere outside of Chicago and want to get.

 

Women together or be one of my ambassadors, I would love for you to apply for my ambassador program. There is absolutely no charge to do it. We just are trying to spread the word and let women know regardless of where they are, this Mother's Day, that there is a group of women that love them and support them and feel them and we'll be there for them.

 

Let me know if you're interested in that. You can also go to my website, lana mankowski.com/others day,  or you can reach me on DM or on email. So either way, I would love to invite you to know that you're loved and, and supported and held this Mother's Day. So join us May 13th for the other's day brunch.

It will be the best three hours you have ever chosen to spend the day before Mother's Day. So have a beautiful week. I love you, and remember, it is never too late to discover your meaning. I'll talk to you next week.