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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Sep 28, 2021

It’s so beautiful to be together again as we navigate the questions in our minds that have us asking “So Now What?” 

In Episode 2 we went on the journey of beginning to build Awareness around the beliefs we have about ourselves.

We asked ourselves 2 important questions to better understand what it is we are choosing to  believe in this present moment:

What do you believe about yourself?

What do you believe about your future?

In Episode 3 we started to learn how to question our current beliefs. We took some outdated beliefs that no longer serve us and one at a time, deliberately beginning to ask some pointed questions of ourselves:

Is this belief really true?

Is this true anymore? How does this make me feel? Is this a feeling I want to have anymore?

As we touched on creating our beliefs that will carry us into a deliberate future we might ask  What would you like to believe

What do you want to believe?

What do you know is true about you?

Before we can write the story of our future, we must learn to Rewrite the story of our past.

 How do I let go of beliefs about my past?

We, as humans, are designed to follow a process. It makes sense in so many aspects of our lives. If you have learned a way to effectively and efficiently create a task in your day or in your life, have at it!

I am all for efficiency and processes. I love learning about and creating strategies. based on the teachings of others. It's how we, as humans, have evolved.

When it comes to your future and the meaning you are choosing to create with your life, do you want to follow in suit with what others believe about living a life without children, or be the creator of a meaningful future for you?

Wait-are you hearing me say you actually have an option to believe differently about what you’ve gone through in that past to create a chosen future for yourself? Yep.  You heard me correctly.  When you do your paper thinking (also known as journaling) this week, I’d love to know what comes up for you when you tell your story about your fertility journey.  With you as the main Character in the story, would the story be one of full of love and admiration for yourself, or one of victimhood and failure?  Do you love how you portray YOURSELF in the story? 

As painful as the process has been, and regardless of the number of rounds of IVF you endured, or the amount of blood draws and ultrasounds you went through, you can learn to .. love yourself despite it. The journey we took will never leave us. Its something I'll never choose to block out of my mind. I tried that, but then I realized that if I blocked that part of my journey out of my mind, I was missing out on the opportunity to recognize the strength I showed, the commitment I made to myself and my husband to try to meet our parenthood goals.

The resourcefulness I have to figure things out When all the local pharmacies are out of a medication that I need for a trigger shot a 3:45 am the next day.

the physical strength I showed when my stomach was black and blue, looking like a pin cushion and stood there bravely while my husband injected another dose of Follistim and Menopur in my tummy.


Or my arms with constant yellowing bruises from my early AM blood draws at my fertility clinic to monitor my hormone levels.

YOU can be the victor in your story!

When I became aware of thought work and believing on purpose I decided that these personal attributes. were not worth blocking out any more

That if I wasn't going to be a mom, I sure as hell wasn't going to give those years of my life away for nothing.

I decided that the tens of thousands we spent trying to

become parents was going to offer me something of Meaning - even if it isn't motherhood.

So I am offering you an option to look back into your past and decide how you can re-write it.

Pay attention to the circumstances ' where she is the victim and decide if there is a different outcome for her besides pain and loss.

Is there something she endured or felt in her past that now offers her an opportunity to think differently, possibly more lovingly and in admiration of herself ?

When you learn to look back at your past and love how you showed up through your fertility treatments, you will see the resilient woman you are. The protocols, appointments, phone calls, schedule changes, heartbreaks and hormones you endured aren't for no Sissy.

 Only a woman with drive and determination could juggle this daily and still show up for work and do that like a boss, too. And let's not forget: maintain a household, a relationship and all the hundreds of other things we do daily to keep things rolling in our lives.

If you are waiting for permission to look at yourself and believe you are a badass, here it is. I'm giving you that permission now. On a shiny silver platter.

Decide today that that Fertility Warrior that courageously went through fertility treatments, she can be grateful for what she went through, even if she didn’t meet her goal of becoming a mother.


If you don't love the woman that poured every ounce of her heart into it, you’d miss out on the gift of seeing that she created this opportunity to love who you are becoming.


I’ve decided to accept that everything was always meant to be like this for me. As unfair and hurtful as it may seem at times,  I'd like to offer you the possibility to believe that we didn’t become mothers because the meaning we are destined to create with our lives is greater than motherhood. 

Believe in your meaning.