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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


May 10, 2022

Hello, beautiful people, I am coming to you with the hugest smile on my face. Because we just got done celebrating our first annual Other's Day brunch in Chicago. It was such a magnificent experience. And I wanted to talk a little bit with you about the importance and the need, we each have for community. So if you've been listening to the Sonos podcast for a while, you might know my story about the fact that I went through several years of infertility treatments. And when I found out that I couldn't have a child. And we decided that adoption was not the right decision for us, nor was an egg donor. I sat alone in almost this cocoon, trying to protect myself from the outside world, because I felt like no one would ever understand all of the sadness, of the self judgment, all of the indecision I was going through. Because I chose, I felt that I chose this sadness for myself, because I did not explore the other options or pursue other options that were available to me to become a mom when I couldn't become a mom biologically. So I was doing a little study this afternoon about some statistics about the need we have as humans for a connection. And there was a US health insurer that found that 61% of people that were surveyed experienced loneliness. And this was a report that came out in 2020. So since 2018, there's been nearly a 13% rise in loneliness from when the survey was conducted. And reasons for feeling lonely, included not enough social support, too few meaningful social interactions, poor physical and mental health, and not enough balance in our lives. Really, it's interesting, because one of the things that the study shows is that feeling lonely does not necessarily correlate to being alone. So when I read this statistic, I really gravitated toward it because it talked about how feeling lonely can be described as a perceived isolation, that people can feel lonely, even where they're not objectively in isolation, I thought about how many of us go through that sense of loneliness. And even though we might physically be around people, and with people, whether it be friends, families, spouses, we feel lonely, because we are just feeling as though nobody could understand our story. So we're not sharing that story. For me, and I'm sure many of you feel the same way. You don't even want to share your story because you feel that no one would ever understand it or that people will feel sorry for you, people will have pity for you that people will look at you like the worst case scenario. We don't even really believe that there is actually people out there that are going through the same exact feelings that we are having. And that was the big impetus about why I decided to create this on our podcast was because I did not find a community and social media, thank goodness, you know, whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that's up for you to decide. But when it comes to finding a community, I am so much more aware now that there is people searching to find people that can understand the struggles they're going through people that have been through the same exact path that you have been through people that totally had those same feelings and thoughts about their journey and about their themselves about their bodies. People are actually out there that you can relate to. So I thought it was so interesting that this weekend at the other state brunch is it was basically an opportunity that I created for others to come forth and meet new friends, to not feel lonely and not feel isolation around Mother's Day. And it was basically open to anyone who is not yet him. Other, somebody who was possibly missing their mother or not able to be with their mom, this Mother's Day, somebody who didn't have a great relationship with their mom, and never had a mother figure in their life, or people like us that wanted to be moms and never could. And when we were at the other state brunch this Saturday, it was amazing how much feedback I got, when we had an opportunity to go through we did kind of this, I guess you'd call it maybe like an icebreaker, I called it a speed meet. If any of you have done speed dating in the past, it was kind of the same, we did this speed meet and everyone had three minutes to get to know their partner. And then before they had to move on to the next person, when the speed meet was over. And we were going through and talking about things. It was so interesting to see that so many people were there with different feelings of loneliness around Mother's Day, that just felt so great to have a community there and people that they actually connected with, they didn't have to explain why they felt loneliness or sadness around Mother's Day. They could just get to talking feel this sense of closeness and community with someone that they've never met before. So the underlying feedback that I got from the others Day brunch, was that so many people came up to me and said that they just needed this today. And it made me feel so good that I could go from somebody who felt such loneliness and darkness around a day on the calendar. Because let's remember, Mother's Day is simply a damn a calendar. It isn't even the same date every year. It just is a rotating date on the calendar that we allow ourselves to feel so much emptiness, loneliness, self judgment and defeat around. And the opportunity that we had to come together at the others Day brunch. And not even think about the fact that the next day was going to be Mother's Day,

we had some great friendships made. We had the best weather. We had awesome goodie bags, I had T shirts made for everyone. I had canvas tote bags made for everyone, I had local businesses that heard about the mission of the Mother's Day brunch that proactively wanted to donate, to have so many people feel great about themselves this year on Mother's Day. So my point is when it comes to having connection and needing connection, know that it is out there for you, you just might have to seek it. And I think about the people that showed up at the brunch this weekend, that knew nobody walking in this room and how much courage it took. And it was my goal that the minute everyone, each person walked in that room, they felt so welcome. And they felt so much warmth, not only from me, but the other women around them. And it was not even forced, I think because so many of us feel the same way and just felt so relieved to have this sense of community. So I want you to just think about where you can go for that community. If it's with me and stitch coaching, I would absolutely love that if it's looking to somebody else, you know, who may have gone through infertility treatments or doesn't have children know that they're probably wanting to share their journey with you or share their stories, or feelings of loneliness that they might be having. And you putting out that branch and reaching out your hand to them might just be the thing that they need to get on the other side of their defeat in the feelings of loneliness they're having about not having children. So I hope that next year you'll be able to join us for The Other’s Day brunch because it is definitely going to be something that I do again, because the feedback has been great. I created a meetup group called women living childless and child free. The people that came out for this event were so diverse, and I loved it because there were people from different races, different nationalities. And it was just so apparent to me, that being childless is something that is so universal. And I was just so proud of the community that I created. And not only that we had it in Chicago, I had one of my dear friends that I've met through the infertility to community Emily had something in Nashville with some of her friends so she was one of our Ambassadors in Nashville. And then I also had one of my longtime listeners of The So Now Wat? Podcast who lives in Puerto Rico, Idaliz had her own Mother's Day brunch. So she was one of our Ambassadors in Puerto Rico. And the feedback I got from both of them made me so proud that my desire to create connection is motivating others to do the same. So I want you to think this week about how you could either seek connection for yourself or how you could create connection with somebody else or for somebody else, you will see what a beautiful warmth and feeling you get in your body and within your mind knowing that you're not alone in your journey, and that no matter how far out you are from your infertility treatments sitting in this indecision, or sitting in this self judgment, how much more available it will be for you to heal, if you have somebody that you can relate to. So I would love to be that person for you. And that's what I show up every week doing for you. I have obviously so many resources every day, I try to post some sort of inspiration. As you probably have heard, I am starting The Belief Reinvention Experience, and that is going to be so absolutely fabulous. The applications open this week, it is only $300 you guys to work with me for four sessions, one on one. And we are going to start to create and understand the beliefs that we have about ourselves and create new beliefs that are going to get us even closer to living the life that we love. Please do some sort of work this week on how you can create connection for yourself and with others. I would love to hear about it. I would love for you to sign up for my belief reinvention experience, and start to really get your arms around living a life that you can truly love even if you're not a mom, so have an awesome week. Thanks for everybody's support with the others day put it on your calendar now for the Saturday before Mother's Day next year. I want everyone to come to Chicago and we are going to have a huge old party and have so much fun. And remember it is never too late to discover your meaning