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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Jan 3, 2023

 I know that you are so looking forward to this year being so different and more light and more energizing than last year was, and I want to recognize that if you are not feeling the joys and the excitement and the desire to create a list of 40 new resolutions for yourself, you are not alone.


I know those feelings that I used to feel when a new year would come around and I would just sort of feel empty, because it was a reminder that one more year had gone by, that I had not yet achieved my goal of motherhood.


If you are feeling that way right now, I just want to recognize that you are loved and that there are so many other women who are out there seeking the connection that I know you are looking to feel. And that is exactly why I decided  that I was going to launch the application process for my next round of the Thrive After Infertility Mastermind.


 I wanted women to  start this year choosing to make a commitment to themselves and choosing to make an investment in a future that is going to feel amazing and you will be able to thrive and feel fulfilled even though your dream of motherhood did not come true.  If you're looking for the application, I'll link it here in the show notes, but I just feel like this is such an exciting time for women to start to offer  devotion to themselves and to their future because we have spent way too much time waiting for motherhood to be the answer to our happiness. And when that is not possible for us, that does not have to hinder you from feeling alive again and feeling like you are in control of your future again.


So check it out.   If you have reservations about whether it's right for you, whether you can afford it, whether the people that are in the group you're gonna gel with, let's hop on a call, 


I don't want anyone to join who is not sure that this is right for them. 


I want you to feel comfortable and go into the mastermind feeling like you are a HELL YES, and let's talk and let's get this on the books and get you rolling for an awesome 2023. , which brings me to the topic of today's podcast, your word for the year now on social media.


I know it's like dumped everywhere, that everyone's picking out these words for the year that are supposed to energize us and make us feel amazing. And if you've not done this before, It can feel  confusing. It could feel like you're just picking a word and you don't know why, but you feel like it's something that you should do to feel better.


So I'm gonna take you through a pointed exercise today on the podcast. I'd love for you to have your journal, whatever it is you take notes on.  If you are not at a point where you can take notes right now, keep listening  and when you get home or get to a place that you can pause this and jot down some notes, you can actively take part in the, the writing later, but, It might even help you to just sort of start to consider what it is you want to work on when it comes time to create your word for the year.


 I found that having a word of the year was much easier for me to do than to create a New Year's resolution. It just was sort of like a grounding thing for me.  After going through my fertility treatments and just feeling like there was like this laundry list of ways that I should be feeling and things I should be doing more of and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.


I was just really overwhelmed. So choosing a word for the year is  a way to plan your goals and a powerful way to stay focused and keep your goals in sight.   Last year, my word was love because I had found that  I was very cynical, I was looking at people in a way that I was very judgmental of them. People would say things to me and I'd automatically classify them as a  heartless person, somebody who wasn't kind to me, somebody who wasn't respectful of my infertility journey.


Last year I decided to choose the word love for my word of 2022 and it was such a powerful thing. I felt so much more love towards people and circumstances that I was in, and it really freed me up from carrying around the heavy burden of being.  at people and resentful towards people. So, I'm gonna tell you a little bit about how I went about creating my word for this year, and how to figure out how to narrow one down for yourself that feels true to you, because it's really important.


This is a word that's gonna attach to you for the rest of the year, which doesn't mean that you've gotta get it perfect. It doesn't mean that you can't change your word, but just even practicing today with. , how to create a word that you want to have a sense of commitment towards  something that feels true to get started on a journey towards feeling that way.


 I will take you through an exercise that's gonna help you recognize the breadth of the impact you have on yourself in your future moving into 2023, so that you can feel super grounded and committed to yourself in your future.  I first wanna acknowledge that for many New Years I was feeling like.


I wanted change, but I just didn't know how and that I was gonna maybe do things wrong. So I just would not pick any goals or not pick any resolutions that I wanted to attach to. Cuz I just felt like it was a lot of pressure and I didn't wanna disappoint myself by not achieving yet one more thing in my life.


So I just kind of continued on the calendar flipped, and I  kept doing what I was doing.  and I realize that that's a possibility for you.  If you do not feel down with choosing a word, you don't have to. But at least give yourself the opportunity to listen all the way through this episode and decide if this is right for you.


Okay, this is how we're gonna start.  Allow yourself to  open up to some of the emotions that you have felt this past year.  Write down all of the disappointments, negative experiences, maybe some fears, maybe some grievances, things that felt really heavy to you this past year or cumulatively what feels really heavy to you today? I realize that this is somewhere that might not feel comfortable for you. You might have some tears come up and that is normal. That is so normal. It's okay. You might have shielded yourself from thinking about or feeling these things again, but we're just gonna carve out five minutes right now to just allow yourself to feel these things and then we can close the door on them and now write them.


 Once you finish writing everything down,  place your hand on your chest and read through that list out loud to yourself. And when you're done, I want you to say, this is a new year for me, and my heart is ready to feel. . Okay. So once again, you're gonna write all these things down that might feel heavy.


You might have some tears evoked, it might feel sad for you, but that's okay. We're only gonna open this door up for about five minutes for you to get through everything you wanna write, and then you're gonna put your hand on your chest and you're gonna say out loud, this is a new year for me, and my heart is ready to feel.


Okay. And then next we're gonna identify the things that gave you joy this year.  Preface it by saying, during 2022, I am most proud of. And then build on that list until you have at least 22 things written down. It could be things that you're grateful for, maybe accomplishments, friendships that have brought you joy.


Relationships, experiences, maybe a trip, maybe a learning, maybe a new job.  Nothing is too small. Maybe you figured out how to do something that you've been working on for a really long time. Maybe you knitted a scarf.


 Literally there is nothing too small that you can put on and don't stop until you get to 22 things. And then you're gonna put your hand on your chest and you're gonna say out loud, this is the new year for me, and my heart is ready to feel more of this.


Okay, your heart is ready to feel more of this. All these things that you're proud of, that you accomplished, that you experienced, that you connected to, your heart is ready for more of this. .  Then the third step that we're gonna  take to prepare for choosing your word is identifying some of the things you aspire to believe about you or believe about your story, or believe about your future without children.


 If you're listening to this and you are childless after fertility treatments and you know that your future is not gonna have children, do yourself a favor and don't put to be a mom. Or to get pregnant.  Let's just put that aside during this exercise because that is not something that is necessarily gonna be useful for us to continue moving into 2023, wishing for if we know that it's something that is not gonna be possible for us.


 Let's consider where you wish you were on this. , is there a way that you aspire to think about your future without children? Maybe a goal you wanna work towards achieving a way that you desire to feel when you wake up every day. Now, this exercise can be really fun if we tell our primitive brain that it is not invited.


 If you've heard me talk about the primitive brain, that is the part of our brain.  that just automatically tells us that's a bad idea. You're not smart enough to do that. That's not possible for you.  Those things don't happen to women like you. So our primitive brain is designed to rationalize things that we don't necessarily want rationalized.


So it keeps us protected and safe. But for this exercise, we just want our primitive.  to be excused  and just let yourself dream.  Think about some of the things that you have read about or seen or heard me talk about or heard other women without children define as happiness for them.


Maybe allow yourself to start dreaming about that for yourself and write all of these things down.  This should be a really fun exercise.  if you  let yourself roam free and think of things or write down things that you have no clue how you could ever possibly achieve, but they just peak your interest in the slightest.


 When we get done writing that down, you're gonna again put your hand on your chest and you're gonna say out loud. This is a new year for me, and all of this is possible. Again, this is a new year for me and all of this is possible. Okay, so now those three things, they might take you a little bit of time, but  carve some time out because it's gonna prepare you for choosing your word for this. . So commonly your word is an emotion or can be linked to an emotion, and selecting your word for a year is a way to set an intention or set a reference point that you can remind yourself of the thoughts you would like to think, or the decisions you would like to make to move yourself forward towards a place that you want to.


And my word this year is ownership.  The reason I chose that word is I really want to have a greater sense of ownership in a multitude of areas in my life.  


I wanted to have a greater sense of ownership in my future. I wanted to have a greater sense of ownership in my infertility story and how it was told and how I believed about myself. I wanted to have more ownership in my career.  I thought I was just gonna become a mom and quit working or maybe go to part-time.


And then when I realized that I had this career that I was in and I didn't know where I wanted to go with it, I really wanna take ownership in my career this year. In my teachings, the way that I teach and the magnificence that I offer, the infertility community. I really wanna take ownership in teaching about life after infertility in a way that feels like I have ownership in my story, in my relationships. I wanna have ownership in my fears when I get scared about something or tell myself that my life is never gonna feel full. 

I want to take ownership of those fears that I have and just comfort myself about my dreams.


I really wanna have ownership over the dreams that I have and stop telling myself that that's not possible for women like me; that women who are infertile, can't be known as women that are thriving, that are leaders that have a life that can be desired and admired.


 There's just such a sense of ownership that I want to bring into 2023.


That is my word for the year.  


I love that you are here today listening. 

I love that you have committed to yourself that you could choose a word. 

Maybe it's strategic, 

Maybe it is happy.

 Maybe it is Fulfilled. 

There are a multitude of words. 


If you haven't gone through my list of feelings., if you haven't seen me share it before, send me a dm. I'm happy to share it with you. 

If you want maybe a reference point to start out from in choosing your word, but once you choose that word, put it on a post-it and put it on your.  and remember it every day and when you wake up every day. I tried that this morning.


I laid in bed and I asked myself, what are three things that I want to do today that will allow me to feel like I have ownership?  

Start to create evidence for yourself every day. Maybe it's before you go to bed, recognize three things that you did.  that utilizes the word that you chose for yourself for this year.


So this is such an amazing practice. It's so fun. If you need any help, I would love to help you create your word for the year. Just send me a message. We can hop on a call. Would love to help you work through it. So have an awesome week. Don't forget to check out the Thrive After Infertility Mastermind.


Consider taking ownership of your future this year and create a life that you can thrive and feel fulfilled even if you don't have the children you always dreamed of. So I love you. Happy New Year and remember, it is never too late to discover your meaning. I'll talk to you ladies next week.