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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


Sep 14, 2021

Today I would like to discuss What you Believe About your Life after IVF.

When I was told that my one frozen embryo wasn't viable for implantation and further fertility treatments weren't recommended, I was crushed.

In that instant, the life I believed I was destined to live had vanished.

 I believed that these years of fertility treatments and the thousands of dollars were all for nothing

I believed I was a failure because my body had failed me during these treatments.

I believed I let my husband down because I couldn't give him a child

I believed I let my in-laws down because not having a child stripped them of being grandparents.

I believed I would grow old lonely and die alone in a nursing home.

I believed that people pitied and felt sorry for me because fertility treatments didn’t work for me

Probably most profound was my belief that I would never live a life of fulfilment and meaning because I didn't have a viable embryo or a viable pregnancy and therefore would never be a mother.

Come to learn, these beliefs are quite common among us in the fertility community. When you go through years trying to create something that isn’t possible, its normal to have heartache. To have disappointment and to be confused about what the rest of your life will look like.

What isn't common is the practice of questioning our beliefs. We take them for face value.

Often we are so convinced of who we think we are, we don’t realize that is completely changeable.

Yes, we can change who we are by what we think about who we are . We get to decide what we believe about ourselves and how to define ourselves and our lives.

You are only defined by what you believe about yourself. What people have said to you or the things  you once believed are not The Gospel.  And as long as I believed these beliefs I was unable to change the way I saw my future.  I just kept myself on rinse and repeat.  Day after day. Year after year. 

Hearing about friends who were pregnant, invites to baby showers, babies being born, 1st birthday parties…all the stuff I thought I would be able to have. 

What I'd like to offer to you in this podcast is the opportunity to begin to get curious so you can identify the beliefs you’ve accumulated about yourself because you aren't a parent.

The first, and probably most liberating, is the learning not to judge yourself for what you believe about yourself, and the thoughts and feelings they are creating.

If you can start by being curious and honest with yourself, you can begin to create the life you want to live.

Sit with yourself and start to ask some questions.  We will just start with 2 today.  Take out a piece of paper and write these down.

1. What do you believe about yourself?

2. What do you believe about your future?

Take time to sit with yourself and really begin to think about what you believe about yourself..  It may be uncomfortable to hear what you come up with.  That's OK.  No one is listening except for you.

When it comes to the relationship with yourself, you must first start to pay attention to what you BELIEVE about yourself.   It's completely changed my story and my life.

You are no different.  There is absolutely no reason why you can't change how you see yourself so you can be and do exactly what you want.

I know it sounds simplistic but the most important part of this process was realizing that I was even thinking these things.  They were hiding just below my awareness.  I never knew to question them because I wasn’t aware they were there.  Once I became aware , it was enlightening and actually much easier to change my beliefs.

What if I told you that your beliefs can be anything you decide.

I went through the beliefs I was clenching onto and decided I was going to be the one to evaluate each one of them.

Now I look at my life through a different lens.

I am still not a mother, but I am an example of what is possible!