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The "So Now What?" Podcast

I am a Fertility Survivor.  The kind you enter into treatments hoping you will never be... childless.  After several rounds of IUI and IVF, at some of the leading Fertility Centers, I was told I was no longer a candidate for fertility treatment.  It left me asking myself...

So now what?

For the years that followed, I tried to put myself back together and tell myself I would be OK, but I wasn't.  I was shattered - I felt alone and failed by the whole process and especially, my body.  I yearned for others that felt the pain I felt and someone that could help me navigate a life without a child. 

I didn't find it, so I decide to create it.  

Fast forward to today. I am still childless, but my beliefs about my life have changed.  I decided that I can create meaning and purpose in my life even though I am not a mother.  I've learned to love myself and the body I felt failed me as a woman.

If you've been on this journey, hop on and join me as we create something we were not offered.  Let's create a sisterhood for the bravest women I know.  We brush ourselves off and don't let terms like: Failed, Unexplained, Miscarriage, Not-viable or Advanced Maternal Age define us anymore.  


May 17, 2022

Hello, beautiful people. How is everyone this beautiful summer day, I am just coming off a weekend of celebrating a birthday. And if you are like me, there has been many years that I have dreaded my birthday, years of going through infertility treatments and looking at a date on the calendar and getting very triggered about all of the things that were coming up for me. Because birthdays can feel very overwhelming when you're childless. There's a ton of thoughts we experience and a ton of feelings that we have about another year around the sun. And I thought I would talk today about birthdays and give you an opportunity to think about some things that you haven't thought about before when it comes to celebrating a birthday. But before we do that, I want to tell you that feeling freaked out about your birthday coming up is not a problem. There's nothing wrong with you if you're feeling that way. And so let me get clear that just because I have evolved a lot in my journey does not mean that I do not have thoughts and beliefs about my life that are different than yours. I am just at a point in my journey, where I'm capable of judging whether those thoughts are the ones that I want near me whether the thoughts that are going to help propel me into the future that I am looking to create with my life. But let's talk first about what are some of the common things that come up for us around birthdays. When you're childless, and you've gone through multiple rounds of IVF cycles, you might think one more year of failed cycles, one less year that it will happen for me naturally, that I'll just all of a sudden be able to get pregnant without it even being medicated cycle. How about putting my life on hold for another year, I know you're missing out of raising kids with my friends.

These are all just really common things that people believe when it's time to pull out the birthday candles and have the birthday celebrations. And I spent the last several years of my life dreading my birthday. In general, I'm not a big birthday person, a quiet night out does me just fine. And this week's podcast, I would love to share some things that have taken the sting away just a little bit when it comes to celebrating my birthday. So the first thing that I'd like to offer you is just realize that birthdays are going to happen every year. And we can move forward with having a lot of anxiety about them, and judgment of ourselves for the things that we believe we've not accomplished yet. Or we can decide that we want to take control over how we want to feel. So if you're feeling defeated, you're feeling depleted, disappointed. You're not alone. So many of my students, including me, have spent years with so many feelings around their birthdays. And we just can decide that we want to start to normalize our thinking. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having these feelings or thinking thoughts that don't include balloons, champagne, a boatload of people singing You Happy Birthday. And I've had to thinking about my birthday and challenged myself to get in tune this year with how I wanted to approach things differently this year. So before I do that, I want to ask you why you think birthdays are celebrated. We just automatically have a first birthday and from there on out. It's just every year on a date on the calendar. 

But have we ever stopped to ask what are we celebrating? What are we When we blow out the candles on a cake, why are we making a wish? So yes, a birthday does signify the day you came into the world. 

Benefits include, for me free Starbucks, gathering a group of friends or family, getting some good presents, which I got several of this year. So those who are listening, especially my father in law, my parents, my sister, you guys totally spoiled me this year. And of course, my hubby who took me to see Moulin Rouge and got us great seats right on the ground level, it was awesome. Free desserts at a restaurant, another perk of having a birthday. But really, what does that mean about you? So I want you to think about what it means about you being born. We are all going to do this together. So I want you to pause, I want you to pull out a piece of paper or your journal. And I want you to do this, I want you to make a list of all the things that you have done since your last birthday, even if it's not your birthday. I don't care if your birthday was yesterday, and you've only had 12 hours into this new year of yours. I want you to list down all of the things that you have done and accomplished since your last birthday.

I'm going to tell you some of the things that showed up on my list.

  •  I started a podcast, 
  • we sold our house. 
  • I took action by creating a community with stitch coaching. 
  • I put together the first ever others Day brunch.
  •  I started journaling regularly.
  •  I definitely started to take control of my emotions and question my beliefs. 


So these are just some of the things that I have to celebrate about me this year. And I think if you review the list of things that you come up with, they don't have to be earth shattering. Maybe you started working out two days a week, maybe you started journaling, maybe you started food planning. But there is so much that we are willing to give away when it comes to recognizing ourselves when a birthday comes along and let the feelings of disappointment and being childless and not having yet achieved a goal overshadow all of the things that we have accomplished. So the exercise does not stop there. Now the next thing I want you to do is go through and do some future self work. So we've talked about the future self before in previous episodes. And by the way, we are going to touch on it a bit more in the next few weeks episodes. Spoiler alert, it's going to be really good, I'm going to have actually my first guest ever come on the Sona what podcast and she is going to talk to you and blow your mind about how to do some work on your future self. So what I would like for you to do is go through and list what do you want to do less of this upcoming year? Do you want to do less scrolling on social media? Possibly you want to drink less, it can truly be anything, it doesn't mean that you have to eliminate this out of your life, it could just be that something you want to do less of. And then I want you to take a greater amount of time to think about what you want to do more of what do you want to take time regularly to recognize in your life? What do you want to take more time to accomplish when you wake up each day? Maybe it's setting an intention for the day, maybe it's creating a food plan for the day? What are some things that you want to do more of,

maybe you want to read more each day, maybe you want to take your dog for more walks and get more outdoor time. When you take time to do this exercise. You'll be able to really decide what it is you're celebrating about yourself, and what it is that you're going to create with your future. Because you're being intentional about it. When you take time to recognize what you've accomplished, you will have such a sense of pride for yourself. And yes, maybe you still aren't a mom and like me, maybe you'll never be a mom. But making a list like this shows you that it was not another year wasted that these last 365 days don't have to be full of feelings of defeat, that you did some amazing things despite not being a mom. And when you identify what you want to do more of and less of. That is a great way to set some goals for yourself. That Don't revolve around motherhood and maybe pick a few at a time just to focus on. And the stuff you want to do less of that is a good way to make room for the things that you want to consume more of your time with. And maybe it's something that you can start today, maybe you don't have to wait till your birthday comes around to do this list. Maybe it's something that you're going to implement monthly, maybe you want to implement it weekly. And just choose one or two of those things on your list of things you want to do more of. And maybe one thing that you want to do less of, and start working on that today. So let's decide now that despite not becoming a mom, we wake up each day putting so much out into the world, that we never even took time to recognize whether you have a birthday or not get started on this, if you have a friend who has a birthday coming up that you think could benefit from hearing this podcast, please send it to them. Because there is such a strength in recognizing who we are. But for some reason, we have this notion that recognizing the greatness we have within us is boastful or brag rudely. And it's not because no one needs to see your list, that list is for you to write down and start to work on yourself from that list. So thank you so much for all the birthday wishes. For me, it was a beautiful birthday, I had such a perfect birthday, I went into the eve of my birthday and had this time set aside for me where I just thought about all these things. And I had such a sense of gratitude this year about myself and my life, and what my future holds. And I know that that is waiting for you as well. And if you feel like you're having trouble getting there, do not forget that I have my belief reinvention experience the applications just opened. This is the deal of the century because I'm charging $300 for 4 x 1:1 sessions with me, where we are going to get to work on getting crystal clear about what your current beliefs are about your life, and how they're serving you today. So if that's something that's of interest to you, I want you to go to stitch The link to the application is also in my link tree bio on Instagram, where you can just reach out and I will make sure that I send the application to you with just a couple questions, making sure that we're aligned on what it is that you want to accomplish. 

 If you're listening to this podcast and you have yet to give me a rating or review I am asking you to please do so. Because apparently the more ratings and reviews we get, the more it is filtered out to other people who might be searching for our community and searching for an opportunity to learn to love their life even if they're not a mom. So if you do that I would be so appreciative. Have an awesome week and remember it is never too late to discover your meaning. I'll talk to you next week.